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Here I basically Review any movies I happen to see. I may talk about the Nudity
in the movie, and I may not, I may make a long review, but I'll probably keep
them short. If nothing else, you'll learn that most movies suck. Lets get to
it then shall we!?
Django Unchained:
This is Quentin Tarantino's latest, which tells the story of a black slave who is freed by a German bounty hunter, that works for the US Government. It's a very gritty film that is heavy with the n-word, a no holds barred view of just how bad it was for black people, though also draws a bit from the blaxploitation movies of the past. The music as always is very good in a Tarantino film and it has some interesting old-school camera work that helps give the movie a classic look with the Quentin Tarantino charm. Though overall I found the movie to be a bit too over the top. I never really bought the German guy, and it was impossible not to always think of his character from Inglorious Basterds. The n-word was used so much that you could visibly see the actors wincing. I don't think the movie is trying to be a period piece, I do think it's intentially trying to be over the top and is more just trying to be fun for people to watch. But perhaps I wish they tried to bit slightly more serious about it. I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
 ½
Any Nudity? Yes.
Lincoln:
This is a very well done movie, directed by Steven Spielberg, about the story of Lincoln's attempt to rid the US of slavery and make black men free. There is also the backstory of the civil war that was happening right along side this historic moment. It's interesting seeing the white people that were disgusted by slavery and the passion level they had to get this amendment passed. Daniel Day-Lewis certainly looked the part and was often very good in it, but almost every time Lincoln told a story I was bored to death. But that aside I really recommend this film. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey:
I have to be honest I went into this movie expecting to hate it. I read the book, which I couldn't say the same for with Lord of the Rings, but my interest was near nil for this movie. The scene with the Hobbit having a little house party with his future Dwarf adventure mates was as painful as I was expecting. The action sequences though I found to be consistently fun to sit through, though as the movie wore on it became increasingly obvious that the opening scene was a setup for 2 movies from now, which was fairly annoying. While I did read the book, I was a child so I remembered very little of it. I would say my low expectations overall helped make this movie better that it probably otherwise deserves. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Zero Dark Thirty:
This is a movie about the people that found where Osama Bin Ladin was hiding, where he was subsequently killed. It's primarily about one woman that spent her entire military career
focussed on finding Osama. It's a very interesting film and certainly worth seeing if you
have an interest in the very lengthy process leading up to his killing. There is though a bit of an overall feeling that the movie wasn't made with a high budget. It's tv movie-ish feeling at times. Overall though I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Expendables 2:
I thought the first movie was a nice idea, but severly flawed and mostly forced. This
sequel is again a nice idea, but with enough comedy this time to bring it to acceptable
levels this time. It's basically a lot of action and explosions padded liberally with gags.
And at times, quite enjoyable ones, even the corny ones often worked as a spoof of the one
liners often found in old action movies. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Savages:
This is basically about two small time drug lords that get into trouble when they try to
go against a big time drug lord which leads to the woman they both love getting kidnapped.
The movie was a bit too hard to believe and had a pretty dopey way to end the movie. Also
the lack of Blake Lively nudity was hard to ignore. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Raid: Redemption:
One of the best action movies I've ever seen. The Raid starts off at a high pace and manages
to escalate that pace throughout the movie. It's basically about a crime lord holed up inside
a compound and a group of cops basically attempt to infiltrate it only to get slaughtered, until
one cop just basically goes super badass and starts blasting holes in floors, making makeshift
bombs out of appliances and getting into some sick fights. This can't be missed for action
movie fans. I give this 4 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
The Dark Knight Rises:
This movie had a tall order living up to the masterpiece that was The Dark Knight, and for
the most part it crumbles from the pressure. Nolan certainly makes a valient effort and there
are some pretty epic moments in this movie. The highlight is probably seeing Batman pretty
much frail and at the end of his rope. It's basically the most human I've seen Batman portrayed.
Bane works for the most part, until about the last third of the movie. I liked this movie,
just you can't help compare it to the last one and Nolan didn't strike the same level. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
The Amazing Spider-Man:
REBOOT! Way to soon in my opinion. Peter gets bit again for the first time, except this time
he's with Gwen Stacy rather than Mary Jane, and he's a bit more jokey during combat. Overall
though I found myself pretty bored throughout, but it's by no means terrible. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Prometheus:
This is about a group of people trying to find who created the human race which leads them
to this planet, where a group of creatures is actively trying to kill them. I was expecting
a bit more action going in but this movie is at times a bit too subtle for it's own good. There
is no "mystery" from the audience's perspective, they know what's going on and what's about
to happen so what should be tense moments instead made me go "get on with it already". But it is at
times a very cleverly designed film, it has some great moments to go along with the dragging
on bits. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Marvel's The Avengers:
Here is the culmination of the Captain America, Thor, Iron Man and Hulk movies, putting them
all together, and adding Hawkeye, and having them fight a galacic threat. While you could
say the X-Men or Fantastic Four did the superhero team-up thing before, I don't think either of
those movies really treated it on the epic scale this movie has. For the most part the movie
is generally not awful. I'd say what they set out to do they pulled off, it's very cliche but
in a lot of ways when people say they want a comic book movie to be exactly what they read in
the comics this is probably the closest adaption of that I've seen. The movie flows well, has
a few big set pieces and while you could argue Loki wasn't the best choice for a villain, it
generally worked. The issue I had ultimately is the movie was a bit too cute, and didn't
feel like an upgrade at all to one of the Avengers cartoon movies. In a lot of ways it was
par for the course and you never felt like you were being challenged and the movie was very
PG. But as I said I think they pulled off what they set out to do pretty well and it
could've very well been agressively bad which I don't think it is. It's a fun movie, if
sometimes feeling a bit uninspired. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Intouchables:
Intouchables is a french film about a millionaire tetraplegic(unable to move or feel anything between the neck and toes)
who hires a completely inexperienced black ex-con, who was only looking to sign a welfare paper, because
he liked that he challenged him and treated him like a normal person. It's a feel good movie,
as Drizz(the ex-con caretaker) pretty quickly gets used to taking care of Philippe and generally
just acts like a good friend with a bit of a wild side and even tries to get Philippe to find
a woman. There's a side story with Drizz and his african family but it's a fairly minor part
of the movie. I enjoyed it a lot, 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Hunger Games:
This is a movie that borrows heavily from the movie Battle Royale where a group of teenagers
are sent somewhere to kill each other. It's a premise that's setup pretty early so I'm
not giving anything away. I will say though that when I saw Battle Royale I was partially
living through the shock of... they are really actually doing this. Where with The Hunger
Games the shock wasn't really there since I've experienced the setting before. The setup
is the main difference between the two movies with some lavish public game based on some
world apocalypse that occured and some rich hub making a girl and a boy from 12 Districts
fight for some pretty nonsensical reason, there's no actual sense to it other
than the movie makers wanted to do it, so they made up a flakey reason for it. I enjoyed it
for the most part, Jennifer Lawrence is alright, and there are some side characters that stand
out, but since a lot of them will die I guess
the movie doesn't want the audience to get too attached to them. I won't get into how the
eventual game of death aka the Hunger Games plays out but I was half satisfied and half
underwhelmed. Fair warning, kids as young as 12 are 'competing'. Still, I'd recommend Battle Royale over this if you haven't seen that yet. I
give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Goon:
This is a movie about a hockey Goon. Not a NHL one though, just the minor leagues where
he starts out in the stands beating up a player and it goes from there. It is a comedy
and at a lot of the time is a downright hilarious one. His gay friend is surprisingly
good and the other hockey players around him have funny personalities. Overall it's
kind of a stupid movie, but I enjoyed it much more than I was expecting to. I give this 3
and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes.
Justice League: Doom:
This is a new Justice League straight to DVD movie that basically looks and plays
like the old Justice League cartoon did. Here they must all band together to stop
a madman trying to kill off most of the world's population with the help of some super
villains but their first step is killing the Justice League themselves. All the villains
play counterbalance to each of the heroes with Kane, Mirror Man and a bunch of other obvious choices. One of the heroes from the kids tv series Teen Titans,
Cyborg, is also in this movie to join the Justice League as a new member. The villains
basically follow "perfect plans" to kill each of the Justice League members. Unfortunately
the movie doesn't really try that hard to rock the DC universe world, it mainly plays
out as a quaint little episode of the tv show intended for
children. I've always been fond of these cartoon Marvel and DC movies, if you're a fan
of them too this fills the need, if you aren't you aren't missing much if you skip this.
I give it 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Chronicle:
Chronicle is a cool movie overall, it was an interesting dynamic between the main
dude who was very angry and severely anti-social person and his cooler "friends".
It was definitely the right way to do the movie(having the main character be angry at the world)
but I think having them all have this symbiotic relationship didn't really work,
just forced some situations that maybe could've come about a different way.
The special effects were decent, wasn't nearly as awesome as Cloverfield though,
also all the different cameras was kinda jarring and didn't really work. I was
surprised how they went about the movie, I wouldn't say it was pulled off perfectly
however. I thought the cousin came across as a bit false, a bit too much a ying
to the angry dude's yang. I give this 4 stars though.
Any Nudity? No.
Red Tails:
This is a movie about the first black fighter squadron in World War 2. They start
out only doing light not dangerous missions behind enemy lines until two generals, one
black, one white, convince higher command to let them fly the real missions where they
excel and become some of the most effective fighter pilots of World War 2. The movie
plays out as a chapter in the fight for black civil rights as you would expect, but
the fighting in the air is the real draw of this film. The air combat is depicted
beautifully and you really get a sense of the danger and bravery of fighting in the
air. There's some interesting relationships outside of the combat, including a friendly
but combative relationship between the ace pilot and the flight leader. There's also a
love story between one of the men and a white italian woman. There's maybe a couple issues that you don't feel like you are getting the
full story and Cuba Gooding's character put his pipe into his mouth a few too
many times that it just became ridiculous after awhile. Overall
I really enjoyed the film, though they maybe could've come up with a less ridiculous
sounding title for the film. I definitely went in not expecting much but was pleasantly
surprised. I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
The Grey:
In this movie Liam Neeson gets into a plane crash with a bunch of other dudes in Alaska
and are left trying to survive a bunch of Grey Wolves that for
whatever reason are set in trying to hunt and kill them. The movie paints a very
hopeless journey as the group battles a snow storm, themselves and the wolves. The
movie also tries to splice in some emotional moments with Liam having flashbacks of
him and his wife and the group all have varying ways of dealing with the situation they
are in. Unfortunately the movie has a lot of bad moments at the end and they reek
of the director feeling he needed to add some emotion but couldn't come up with the
right way to do it. In the end I'd say the movie is pretty intense, and does a good
job of conveying the desperate need of a group wanting to survive but being perplexed
on how exactly to do it. Liam has been quoted as saying this was his favorite
role but he's been in better movies. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
War Horse:
This movie shows a horse's journey from birth all the way to the end of World War 1.
There's heavy focus on the people around the horse as I suppose there's only so much
emotion you can get out of a real live horse. For the most part all the humans are heavy on
the cornball but it does somehow fit. There's the boy who raised him, a little girl
who finds him and more as the horse gets and loses owners throughout the film and war. It's certainly
an interesting original take on a war movie, and never really blows the
premise. It works and has a lot of touching moments. I give this 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey:
This is the story about the man behind the Muppet Elmo. It's not terribly interesting in that case, as it's just a guy who liked puppets as a kid, then grew up to make it his living. It is interesting though from a behind the scenes of the whole Muppet workshop perspective and in a lot of ways the movie is a tribute to Jim Henson. It's kinda touching at times, but also often just plain odd at times too. Since really it's a profession that almost invites a certain off kilter personality. From Frank Oz, to the Santa Clause looking Kermit the Puppet maker to some of the others, it's just an interesting group. I give this 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never:
You can't help but be impressed by what Bieber has accomplished, while I'm not jealous of the little girls screaming for him, the sheer entity he's become is pretty impressive. In short, don't see this if you hate Justin Bieber, I was indifferent so I decided to see what the fuss was about. But it's for little girls. One big fault I'd give this movie is it legitimizes every lame youtube celebrity out there. Oh and damn him for getting to finger Selena Gomez' ass in public(no this isn't in the film) I give this movie 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocal:
Basically in this movie Tom Cruise takes part in some fantastical
action sequences except this time there's the air of the movie and characters making
fun of themselves the whole time. I guess when people start getting bored with a franchise
this is the tact they choose, but the movie was gaggy to the point where it was hard
to take anything seriously. While I wouldn't say the jokes were downright awful, I would say though
that the tone was way off. Overall I liked the movie more than I hated it but
Mission Impossible 3 to me was a much better film. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? One girl was incredibly hot, but only showed pulsing cleavage.
Moneyball:
In this movie Brad Pitt is the GM of the Oakland A's who just came off making the
playoffs and was tasked with rebuilding a franchise that was going to lose all it's
best players because Oakland has one of the worst self imposed caps in the MLB. He
hires Jonah Hill who is basically a economist that has a computer program he designed
to find the players with the most affordable on base percentange. Naturally nobody
but them accept the idea that a computer is better than MLB street smarts and the movie
is setup as that they are two people trying to both find a hidden edge noone has ever tried before and
as some kind of pioneers. It's basically a true story, aside from the person Jonah Hill was
playing being thin, so it works partly because of that. The relationship between Brad Pitt
and his daughter is touching as well. Moneyball for the most part is entertaining and
the ending is rather touching. I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Muppets:
The Muppets are back, in a musical... excited? I have to say going into this movie
I was pretty excited, I grew up on the Muppets and couldn't wait to see the movie. The
Muppets starts of with introducing a new Muppet who grew up in a human household and convinces
his human brother and his girlfriend to go to Muppets studio, which has been pretty
much abandoned since the Muppets aren't popular anymore. The three then convince Kermit
to try to reform the Muppets and try to make them popular. Admist all that is various
musical numbers as various familiar Muppets make their reappearance and they try to
put on a show. For the most part the story evolving the humans and the new Muppet is
fairly interesting and while there were a lot of nostalgic Muppet moments I don't know
that the Muppets really delivered like I hoped they would. For all the jokes the
Muppets made about maybe being dated it kinda felt like they just might be dated. In the
end it's basically just a cute and fun family movie, so it probably hits the mark in
that case. The movie was often not funny enough, but is kinda saved when the nostalgia
really gets you. Overall I enjoyed the movie, but not as much as I hoped I would.
I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Not so much.
Tyrannosaur:
This is a movie about a very angry person living in an angry town surrounded by
angry people. To the point he's a somewhat socialy inept person and really just
a highly aggressive person that fights at the drop of a hat, kicks dogs and generally
wants the world to just die so he can live in peace. He meets a religious girl who
seems ok at first, but is also angry due to an abusive relationship. He gets involved
with her and becomes slightly less angry. To finish off this review I'll point out that, no,
there isn't a single actual T-Rex in this movie :( But it's a pretty powerful
film. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1:
In this latest Twilight Bella(Kristen Stewart) and Edward her Vampire love
finally get hitched and get right to some wild sex... which leads to Bella
getting pregnant. This all happens pretty quickly and the rest of the movie
is spent dealing with the fact that Bella is pregnant and everybody wondering
what's going to come out of her. On some level this movie is more straight
forward than the other ones, since their relationship is already established,
and the fact that Bella has no interest in werewolf boy is already established
there was no need to continue that and instead moved forward. I liked this more
than I expected to. I thought the way the movie flowed was done well. Kristen
Stewart was looking especially good in this movie too. While I can see how
someone might say they didn't do enough in this movie, I enjoyed
the course of events and thought it had a satisfying conclusion. I give
this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Tower Heist:
In this movie Ben Stiller, Eddie Murphy and a bunch of other people try to rob
a Tower. It's completely a comedy as you'd expect, where the heist is kinda just
a vehicle for the laughs. Eddie Murphy for the most part is pretty funny, he plays
an interesting character overall and is the only actual criminal going into
the heist. It's got a somewhat interesting setup to the story with Alan
Alda playing a corrupt boss who steals from his underlings, prompting the heist. Comedy
wise though it's fairly inconsistent with very gaggy gags that are often not
particularly clever. There is some degree of charm to the movie, it's not particularly
funny but it isn't horrible either. Without Eddie and Alda this probably would've been a lot worse.
I give Tower Heist 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Conan The Barbarian:
This is the new Conan, which stars the leader Gol from the tv show Game of Thrones rather than Arnold. It's a fairly
well done movie with good action scenes. The movie basically tells the story of Conan's father getting killed while
he was young by a guy trying to become a God and he spends the movie trying to find him and kill him as an adult. As you'd
expect there's a bunch of nice Nudity in the film, as Conan, and the period he was living in, basically had a somewhat
caveman approach to how to treat women. Though the best pair of Tits comes from a bit actress that barely had any screen
time but they were a sight to see. Anyways it's been awhile since I saw a movie with good nudity, so it was nice to see. The
lead actresses might be more interestng than the male ones. I didn't like that the main villain would constantly stand around
refusing to finish Conan off letting Conan recover each time. In the end Conan came across as a bit of a weakling
because of that, aside from how unrealistic those scenes felt. The acting by the person playing Conan wasn't particularly strong
either. Overall I'll give this movie a bump up in score because of the sweet Celeb Nudity, 3 and 3 quarter Stars.
¾
Any Nudity? Yes some great Nudity.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes:
This is basically the story of how the Apes got all riled up and started their way to making a Planet of
the Apes. There was a version of this story told back when the apes were still dudes in monkey suits but
that involved some trippy back in time circular logic that of course this movie doesn't have. So it's basically
a retelling of that movie except here a Ape is given some kind of smart drug by a scientist and later gets all pissy
and runs amock. It's a pretty cool story centering around the lead ape, it has some good peripheral human
characters and the interaction between the Ape and his human friend and between the other Apes is fairly
well done. Without giving too much away they don't really tell quite the amount of story you probably expect
them to tell here going in. Get ready for a sequel basically. But I thoroughly enjoyed the film and so far at least they
created a somewhat plausible Ape taking over movie. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? As always, the naked animals are schlongless, thank you hollywood.
Cowboys vs. Aliens:
If you didn't go into this movie thinking the premise would be ridiculous the movie does a good job of
conveying that fact throughout the film. Daniel Craig puts on a pretty good performance as the amnesia riddled
badass hero of this movie but the movie's big way of making the cowboy's stand a chance is that the aliens
are basically ignoring them. Even though the humans are about their size, have guns, and they're even capable
of wielding alien weapons. Everything from the cowboys being busy with their own gripes and just hanging out
preparing is based around the premise that the aliens are busy looking at walls while the humans plan their
attack and are even in the midst of attacking. Even if you dismiss the plausibility factor Harrison Ford's character arc is just ridiculous, Olivia
Wilde's character just seemed odd and a lot of the rest of the cast just come across as gimmicks, either too jokey
or not jokey enough. The movie is a bit of a mess and doesn't seem particularly well thought out.
I was glad when the movie finally ended, 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Some Olivia Wilde Skin and wetness, no real nudity though.
Captain America: The First Avenger:
There's been a lot of bad superhero movies(Green Hornet) lately so I wasn't sure what I was going to get with this movie.
This movie basically shows a scrawny kid who really wants to fight for America in WW2 turned into a
buffed super hero by a syrum. There's also the Red Skull who is his evil syrumed up counterpart on the
other side. It's kinda a rah rah America movie more than anything, but overall the storyline was well
done with a fairly well done love interest angle. The lead actor works and the Red Skull while not overly
interesting does a fairly capable job as the villain. I'm still a little uneasy about the potential for
awfulness of the upcoming Avengers movie but now they pretty much are done with the prequels to that movie,
unless a Hawkeye movie is coming out that I'm unaware of. In the meantime I enjoyed Captain America and
give it four stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Bridesmaids:
If you think women aren't funny you'd be hard pressed to see this movie and still think that afterwards. This
movie is funny from start to finish and probably one of the best comedies I've seen in a long time. Kristen Wiig
plays a low in confidence woman who's best friend is about to get married and she tries to compete with a new
friend angling for the best friend status. There's also the peripheral friends who bring their own brand
of comedy from a fat crude woman and two somewhat lesbian friends. It's a very laid back movie with somewhat
realistic reactions though also some very over the top moments including a hilarious shitting scene. While
there is a bit of some life lessoning going on here it's never takes itself too seriously. 4 and a half stars for this.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2:
I should preface this review by saying I've never been that into the Harry Potter films, have never read
the books and have skipped a few of the movies but I'm sure there are a lot of people like me so here we
go. This movie is the final chapter of Harry Potter, this is it, until they recast it and do it all over
again. This movie basically is kinda a forced conclusion that you often see in various tv series enders and
whatever else. The slow grinding, it's never going to get to the point buildup finally gets completely
resolved in one fell swoop here. Relationships that never seem to consumate are consumated, the final
battle actually is the final battle etc etc. This movie tries to get to the point and deliver on the action
but it's action relative to the other movies, the final battle is pretty cool but it's more the side players
doing the cool stuff with Harry Potter and kin still in their slow meandering process. Obviously since
I wasn't there from the start a lot of the dramatic elements were lost on me I also couldn't help but snicker
when everyone is waving their wands everywhere. At the end of the day though I do see why people like these
movies so much it just maybe isn't for me. I'd say it has a satisfying conclusion and it's nice they leave
almost no room for a sequel with the current cast. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
X-Men: First Class:
I went into this movie not expecting too much, the last X-Men movie was pretty bad but I did hear some
decent reviews for this movie going in. Basically this movie tries to tell the story of how the X-Men
were formed with a in his 20s walking Professor X who is still friends with Magneto who has his same
Jewish death camp past that is the crux for his Mutant defending. The young X-Men are a mixture of familiar
and not so familiar mutants. Mystique is probably the best mutant of the bunch and Jennifer Lawrence gives
a good performance overall and looks pretty good while doing it. A lot of the other mutants though aren't
particularly interesting, Hank aka Beast is mildly interesting but the rest are kinda just there, for no
other reason than to make the team have more people. The main villain is kinda like Magneto if his powers were
slightly different, he even has the Magneto anti-telepath helmet. The main villain girl is pretty hot and
they do a fair job of having really shakey excuses to put her and some other characters in their underwear.
The movie has it's issues but for the most part it grabbed my attention when I wasn't expecting it to. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Undies was as far as it went.
Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon:
I was a big fan of the first two Transformers but for whatever reason I wasn't looking forward to this latest
installment. No I don't think it's because I'm a big Megan Fox fan ;) but after seeing some of the stuff in
the trailer I thought Micheal Bay might be trying to get into the bad post G1 stuff that was often times
god awful. In this movie there are new robots, lazerbeak who comes off kinda well, Sentinel Prime voiced
by Leonard Nimmo aka Spock who is a pretty good character overall, and then Shockwave who wasn't pulled
off well at all. The story again has Shia and his parents doing their bit of comedy that sometimes works, sometimes
doesn't. The Megan Fox replacement is hot, though doesn't really have much to do and the relationship is
never that convincing, it's almost like she is the Megan Fox character, except with a british accent. The
problem really with the movie is that almost everything that happens up until maybe the final moment is yawn
inducing. A lot of key robots die(no I won't get into specifics) and that is probably the highlight of the movie
but around that is just poor action sequences and really ridiculous premises. Easily the worst of the three
movies but the robot death moments made up for the bad a little bit. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No, not even robot nads this time, decent cleavage on the new girl.
Super 8:
I think when most people see trailers for this movie they think E.T., but really it's more like the Goonies
or Stand By Me than that movie. The focus is entirely on the kids, the monster part is almost a pointless
part of the movie. The kids basically try to film a movie and in the middle of it a train crashes and chaos
ensues in the town and meanwhile two of the kids start falling in love. Overall I thought the film suffered from doing
such a poor job with the monster part. The kids were generally interesting, kinda a pack of kids from that
Freaks and Geeks tv show. Everything else, including most of the adults, were kinda grating and never really
worked at all. Worth seeing, just overrated. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Sucker Punch:
This is a pretty trippy movie about a girl about to get lobotomized that basically trips out
and enters a crazy world where she's some sword weilding superwoman in a world filled with
nazis, robots and a bunch of other crazy stuff. The actual dream sequence stuff is pretty incredible and you
kinda wish they stuck to that part of the story. Unfortunately the psycho ward moments are pretty bad and
made little to no sense and just dragged the good dreamy bits down. Overall though I enjoyed myself. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Tron Legacy 3D:
Was a big fan of the original Tron, maybe more for the style than the story, I couldn't tell you now what
was actually going on in the original outside of "them be in the game!". But uh yeah this new movie might
have the soundtrack of the year, really great stuff throughout the movie. Basically the movie is kinda a
sequel to the last one but also a bit of a re-telling too, as there is definitely stuff in this movie that
doesn't add up as a sequel. The son of the guy who got trapped in the game goes in to find him and the game
world is a lush colorful world filled with programs acting programy and giant colorful vehicles. The story
flows well and the action sequences are a visual treat, well everything is a visual treat really. As for the 3d... well it is what it is, but the cost of 3d for me was like 20
bucks, really ridiculous. I really enjoyed the film, 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No, Olivia Wilde is hot, but, no.
I Am Number 4:
This is a superhero movie that is trying to be Twilight, basically. The characters act in a similar
fashion and it ends in a Twilight way(meaning doesn't really conclude the story). I guess it's missing
the same level love story, but there is definitely the setup for some three way angst in future films. The
protagonist of this film is a dude, who's fourth in line to be killed by a group of aliens. He both learns
about his superpowers and uses them(I know, this is some high level synopsis going on) and has a mentor/protector
that basically tries to prevent him from getting laid. The action works for the most part though the dynamic
between him and a bully schoolmate doesn't work at all and is the low point of this movie. Either my first
sentence entices you or sends you reeling, but I liked the movie for the most part. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Knight and Day:
I really liked this movie. Basically Tom Cruise spends a lot of the movie doing some James Bond esque stuff, taking down a room or airplane
full of bad guys, jumping off motorbikes to land on other vehicles, and all kinds of stuff around Cameron Diaz who's a little confused as
to a) who this guy is, and b) how she got wrapped up in this whole mess. I was a little worried going into this movie that it would be similar to
a movie like Hancock where it starts out with a great premise but quickly ditches that in favor of a more traditional and boring movie. While eventually
the Cameron Diaz character does clue in to what's going on it actually still manages to maintain that 'ridiculous people in ridiculous
situations' vibe throughout the movie. It's basically a action, comedic, sort of love story, and I recommend it. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? There is no nudity.
The A-Team:
In short the A-Team is a movie that is only slightly interesting. The 'boss' aka Hannibal played by Liam Nielson is a great character
everyone else from the three other main players to the supporting cast boil down to comic book or cliche and boring character. Mr.T is
played by MMA fighter Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson and he about pulls the performance you'd expect, stilted and barely coherent. The action sequences
don't hold up either, this one scene with a tank taking down jets while it's falling from the sky is about the culmination of how ridiculous
and the lack of effort put into this movie. Don't bother, 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Iron Man 2:
The original Iron Man was pretty spectacular, this second one is cool at times but is similar to say Spider-Man 3 where the attempts at humor
completely get in the way and you wish they weren't there in such an abundance. The main villain Whiplash, played by Mickey Rourke is interesting though
he has a foreign accent that isn't terribly convincing. Scarlett Johansson might be the highlight of the movie as she's consistently
sexy throughout. Robert Downy does a good job again of portraying a sometimes drunk and a little nuts superhero billionaire. It's
interesting they are trying to setup the future Avengers movie though waiting till after the credits to see something is annoying. Overall
it's a decent sequel but there's enough bad that I certainly won't be buying the Bluray of this or anything in the future. 3 and a half
stars.
½
Any Nudity? No sir.
Clash of the Titans 3d:
Do yourself a favor, if you ever hear that a movie wasn't filmed in 3d, but turned into 3d after the fact, save your money and see the 2d version. Because
the 3d is barely noticable and you are just left with getting annoyed that the glasses are pinching your head and making you feel like you are trapped(ok maybe
if you already are used to wearing glasses you won't get this feeling). Anyways, now that that's out of the way, this movie is basically a remake of the old
movie which you probably already know, and basically tells a story about how the humans want to take down the Gods and the Gods not liking it so much. We got
Hades, ruler of hell, who is a little pissed at Zeus and then we got the son of Zeus who's a little pissed at Zeus. They both want to take down Zeus in their
own roundabout way. Basically adventure gets laid down and Pegasuses, giant Crabs... the Kraken... and some other manners of mythological stuff wreaks havoc
on the land. I will say that I saw this movie right after playing the videogame God of War 3, where it's a similar type of story... except the videogame story is
so much fucking better and cooler. Clash of the Titans kinda feels like a quaint tale compared to GOW3's layers of monsters and Gods dying left and right and
giant titans. So to sum it all up, don't see this movie if you expect anything close to Avatar level 3d and don't see this movie if you've played GOW3. But it
sometimes works but ends up feeling like they could've gone several steps further. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Surprisingly no.
Twilight: New Moon:
The first Twilight movie was a interesting tale about a girl who falls in love with a vampire, despite the fact he has to constantly resist the urge to kill her.
The movie worked partly due to the fact the girl acted like it wasn't a big deal at all she was hanging around with vampires and that the family of vampires were
a pretty charming and interesting bunch. This sequel however doesn't work at all, they pretty much force plot elements in the most ridiculous of ways. Now
the whole dymamic of having a second guy, who happens to be a werewolf, also fall in love with the girl was interesting, but how you got to the point that they
were in a relationship was very ridiculous. The movie still sort of works in that "this girl is finding this all too normal" sort of way, and for the most part
you can feel the love these characters feel for each other. It's just a shame that the movie has to fail so miserably at the execution of everything, every bad
element from the coven to everything else was just a means to get to a certain point in the story, in an almost unabashed fashion. It's probably
still a good date movie at the end of the day but prepare to suffer a lot through this movie. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
2012:
Here we have a movie in the long line of disaster flicks that are high on special effects. The world you see... is about the end, the Myans were right
apparantly and this is the movie that gives the fake reality to what they've been predictting, at least we would hope it's a fake reality ;). Anyways the movie
centers around one family trying to make their way to, well not to give anything away, but to safety lets just say. This movie works a bit, but only in delivering
some nice special effects, there's something nice about seeing how the world might end, not that I'm wishing for such a thing, but curiousity does get the best
of you. I'd say what really at the end of the day makes this movie a failure is that the characters are pretty much all horrible, from Woody Harrelson's insane
radio show host character, to just how unlikable John Cusack's wife is, they all pretty much don't work. This movie almost feels like you are watching a science
program that is using CGI to explain stuff, and not so much like an adventure. It's interesting at times, cool at times, but the story just stunk and I grew
to hate most of the people in this movie. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Inglorious Basterds:
Here is Quentin Tarantino's made up retelling of what was happening in France during WW2. There's Jew Hunters, and a bunch of Jewish people set
out to kill every Nazi they find. They scalp the Nazis, beat them across the head with a baseball bat and generally make the Fuhr's life
a living hell. This is very much a Tarantino film with long drawn out scenes getting deep into things most other directors would skip over.
The scenes with the main Jew Hunter are especially interesting as he very slowly and methodically attempts to extract information out of people.
There are many different storylines and characters given their own limelight outside of the main ones, there's the story of a Jewish girl who escaped
the Jew hunter and we see her new life as she once again gets intertwined with the Nazis, there's a very interesting performance by a women playing
an actress that also works very well. This movie definitely doesn't skimp on the gore and ultimately pulls you in and occasionally shocks you at
where they go in the film. The movie doesn't entirely work, the leaps in logic are sometimes too much but it's not something you mind by the time the
movie is over. I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No sir.
District 9:
This is a movie about aliens getting their ship broken down and stranded on earth and then all kinds of wacky hijinx ensue! Actually not
so much wacky hijinx, but there is a bit of that, but the premise is a bit ridiculous with the aliens basically living in slums and sort of
interacting with the humans in a way you aren't used to seeing, basically it's as if the aliens are just stupid poor people and while they never
speak english both the aliens and the humans seem to understand each other fine. The film is sort of filmed like a documentary following a guy
in charge of rounding up the aliens and moving them to a safer place than the slums of South Africa. It is interesting seeing the aliens sort
of act human, where you would almost expect them to take up arms and push people around, instead they let the humans push them around and have very
normal interactions. This is one of those movies that ultimately is refreshing because it's so unique, it is a comedy though more than anything, but
it tries to be other things like a action movie and mixes in some drama with one alien and his child that is the most interesting part of the film.
Don't expect realism, but do expect something originial, I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope... Unless you are into naked aliens. Yes they mastered space travel but not the need for clothing.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra:
This movie is more like the old cartoons than I was expecting. For some reason I got the idea they were going to do a modern take on those
old characters but this movie has a lot of the ridiculousness and cheese of the old cartoons. There's crazy vehicles, crazy characters and
a lot of ridiculous yet cool because of said ridiculousness situations that come up. I thought a lot of the characters were realized well,
especially the Baroness. Though there were a few noticable exceptions like Duke played by a teen heartthrob that played the roll like he's
in a teen movie. Overall the movie both fails because of the cheese and is enjoyable because of it. Nothing great, but I ended up liking
this movie more than I was expecting to. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Hurt Locker:
This movie shows the life of a bomb expert in the middle east and shows the mental state he is in that allows him to not only do his job
but loving what he's doing while he's risking his life. He's a very intelligent guy who has clearly been a bomb defuser for a long time and dismantles bombs like he's
making himself a cup of coffee. The soldiers around him can't stand his attitude as they are more green and don't understand the blahsay
attitude he has towards risking his own life. This movie is filled with tension and does a great job of showing the psychology of the bomb
guy. Having said that I did find myself yawning sometimes as the slow nature of the film got a little annoying to me at times. I give this
movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Moon:
This is a kinda trippy film about a guy that is on a 3 year mission on the Moon to keep some sort of facility up and running. Eventually
he runs into a clone of himself and he and the clone begin trying to figure out what the hell is going on. There is a sort of calmness
to the whole movie, the way the guy lives on this facility and goes about his day in a routine manner with his friendly robot pal is kinda
soothing to watch. This was a very entertaining and unique film I highly recommend to people. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Bruno:
This is a movie similar to Borat where they mix real situations with a made up story element. Except this time around almost everything
seemed fake. I found this movie really funny at first but eventually the ridiculousness of it just became a bit too much, I thought the
setups and situations were more forced than anything, there were moments like the Paula Abdul scene and Ron Paul scene but generally it
was more stupid than funny. I give this movie 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes, wang.
Drag Me To Hell:
Raimi is back from trying to ruin the Spider-Man movies(after making two good ones that is), back to making horror movies, and really
he should probably just keep making them. Drag Me To Hell is silly, funny, and in some ways one of the best horror movies in awhile.
You'll be laughing through most of it, but I get the feeling those laughs were intentional. It does have it's share of jumpy moments but
it's very much a Evil Dead horror movie where it's a horror-comedy. The old lady is ridiculous but it works, and the whole being dragged
to hell premise is pretty cool. Defintely recommend this film, only flaws come in that the movie is fairly predictable throughout. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen:
This movie seems to be getting trashed left and right, but I absolutely loved this film. I've seen quite a lot of the cartoons from
the various generations and the director definitely spent some time watching all those old cartoons and basically transplanted various bits
from all the different generations of Transformers. My guess is most of the bad reviews stem from people that had no clue what was going
on and didn't have the memories of those cartoons to fall back on. Sure the movie is unrealistic, but it is faithful to the
Transformers storyline, which admittedly is often quite ridiculous. At any rate I thought the action sequences were great, and while
the comedy was again hit or miss, it worked for the most part. There's a real epic nature to this film, where the last one more introduced
the robots to you but never really got that deep into things this one really feels like Micheal Bay was trying to fit in everything he
could into one movie, unfortunately some things suffer for that but a lot worked too. I'm not sure if I liked this movie more or less
than the last one, I thought the human parts were worse in the first film though, so just based on that I might lean to saying this movie
was better. Be warned, this movie is 2 hours and I think 50 minutes long, I would recommend seeing a bunch of the old cartoons for a crash
course in Transformer-dom so the plot goes down easier. I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Do robot balls count? No.. I don't suppose they do.
Terminator Salvation:
I'm a huge fan of the Terminator franchise, I didn't like T2 much though, but T1 and T3 I thought kicked ass. This latest addition
to the franchise tells the story after Judgement Day happened and the war against the machines begins. Except it doesn't actually
start with John Connor coming out of his bomb shelter, and how the humans got organized to fight the machines is basically skipped over.
For the most part when Terminators are on screen the movie works very well, though it is a little odd to see so many black terminators when
a silver shine is more what people have come to be familiar with, though the black works apart from that temporary confusion. One thing that
I think is a big negative in this movie is that Christian Bale adds nothing to the John Connor role, to the point you never really are convinced
he's who the movie claims he is. Some of the other characters work though, like his wife, and one human that is in fact a Terminator. Speaking
of which the drama involved with the human/Terminator is kinda interesting, but it does desolve into predictable situations and overly sappy
moments. At the end of the day I enjoyed the movie, but it failed on enough levels that the movie didn't really blow me away either. I give
this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Noooo, unless you count dudes, but no wang thankfully.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine:
I thought X-Men 3 was beyond horrible so I went into this movie expecting to be equally underwhelmed. To my surprise though I thought the
gritty and fast paced storytelling of Wolverine's long life worked pretty well, though you have to ignore some of the more over the top and
ridiculous characters he's surrounded with. I thought the relationship between Wolverine and his brother(Sabertooth) worked surprisingly
well, from the trailers I got the impression they ruined the Sabertooth character but I thought it was maybe the best thing they pulled off
in the film. I also thought that where in X-Men 3 when you saw new mutants I got a "whatever" feeling but in this movie where you only
really expect Wolverine the introduction of various mutants I thought worked a lot better. At the end of the day though a lot of the movie's
drama and action sequences didn't really work but enough of them did work that I ended up pleasantly surprised by this film. I give this
3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope... ok Wolverine, what is with hollywood and showing more guy skin than girl skin lately?
Star Trek:
I have to be honest, when I left this film I was thinking "Well that was underwhelming", looking back though they did pull off a lot
of cool stuff in this I guess reboot of the Star Trek franchise, with a brand new cast taking over the original series' parts. There's
something about sitting in a theatre and having an audience react predictably to every callback to the old shows that I find annoying, but
there were some cool moments, for the most part those moments didn't really seem forced, if they hadn't been there something would've seemed
missing. From the new Sulu pulling out a sword, to Chekov(sp?) talking his garbled english, there is a fair amount of comedy mixed into this movie
too that works. They also did something interesting in that in some weird way this movie ties in to the others, though I won't ruin
it for anyone by stating exactly what they did. Overall it's one of those movies that I think I might enjoy more on a second viewing away
from the theatre, I'm certainly not a Trekkie, but I have seen enough of Star Trek in it's various iterations that this series was definitely
part of my childhood. I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Closest thing is a big tittied green chick in her underwear.
The Watchmen:
I went into this film already hearing all the negativity from people that had already seen the film, and I'm not sure how
much that negativity skewed my enjoyment of the film. I had already heard about all the adult themes of the film, the violence
and about a plot that didn't quite work. Ultimately I didn't realize until I heard all those 'pre-reviews' that this was a adult
film and maybe would have liked the adult themes if I hadn't already known about them. At the end of the day however the movie
didn't work well, there were way too many flashbacks, and while they were the highlights of the film, you kinda wish they'd tell
the story in a more coherent way, starting with all the back stories and leading up to the present day conclusions. They tried
to be clever in the story telling but it ultimately fell flat. When you think of adult super hero films Sin City is the shining
example of how to do it right, The Watchmen unfortunately while it was cool in parts, the editting I'd say was atrociously bad and
they maybe tried to fit in too much and ultimately you almost wish the already 2 hour and 30 minute film was LONGER so they could
make more sense of everything. The conclusion was silly, and again a case where the movie tried to be clever but failed. Ultimately
this was not a very good movie. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes, a sex scene complete with nudity.
Milk:
Here a gay man runs for a government office and shows his struggles as a gay man for acceptance. The sad part is many of the
things Harvey Milk fought for, and ultimately died for, still haven't gained acceptance to this day. I actually wasn't aware
of Harvey Milk so the ending actually caught me off guard, even though they actually mentioned what was going to happen at the
start of the film, I guess I wasn't paying attention too closely. It's actually a very rivetting film and Sean Penn puts on
a great performance. Now the amount of man on man love was a tad unsettling, but a lot of the scenes were shot in a way that
you did wonder how much was really going on on set, though I'm guessing it was more editting to make things easier to take in
than anything else. Anyways this movie, I think, was made to serve as a reason for people to have discussions on the subject of gay rights
and gay marriage. On a personal note, I think gay people should have the right to marry, and it's very much like the black white
issue from not so long back, it's a shame religious groups feel they can shove assumptions about some scripture down people's throats and
have so many people accept such foolishness. But anyways, I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
The Day The Earth Stood Still:
Here a guy comes from outer space to either kill everyone, or save everyone, or at least that's what the US government is
trying to figure out. There's a lot of cool scenes, especially the ones involving a giant robot, but unfortunately the movie
is ruined by the most annoying kid in the world, who adds nothing other than spreading his annoying stink so much that the
movie ends up just being annoying. It's a shame since it does work well a lot of the time, but not enough of the time.
Overall I give this 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
The Wrestler:
This is a very well done movie about a wrestler who was apparantly pretty famous but was also a fuck up who couldn't keep his
family together or hold on to any of the money he made leaving him a very lonely broken man. I watched pro wrestling growing
up, so I can appreciate a lot of the inside stuff and this film was definitely made by a guy with a great fondness for the product.
There's a lot of great interaction between the wrestler, the people close to him and his fans. There's also a GREAT nude
scene by Marisa Tomei who actually strips while playing a stripper, imagine that, unlike say a Jessica Alba who plays a stripper
and somhow manages to stay clothed for all of the movie. Anyways, overall I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes, Marisa Tomei Nude!
Quantum of Solace:
The last movie was a refreshing change from the previous James Bond movies that had gotten long past stale as it seemed
every movie was essentially the same basic movie. Casino Royale rebooted the franchise into a much more grittier and refreshing
tone. This movie unfortunately is reverting back to the stale movies of the past. A lot of Cirque de Soleil type action
sequences and too many scenes that seemed like the ones in Casino Royale that I thought came across as lazy filmmaking. The
movie isn't completely without redeeming qualities though, as the women are the highlight of the film and there was a couple
cool action sequences mixed in. It's also clear they are trying to keep running plot lines from film to film as this movie
has a ton of loose ends that I'm sure will be touched on in the sequel. Ultimately just a let down based on how good the
last movie was. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes, I believe a nice bush upskirt.
Death Race:
I saw the original Death Race awhile back and I was not only shocked how ridiculous, over the top and unabashedly violent
it was but that some actual recognizable actors were in the film. It was brilliant but you couldn't believe such a film was
made. This sequel of sorts, though more a remake really, tries it's best to re-create that ridiculous premise of a race that
you are able and encouraged to kill the other drivers. This time though maybe to help the film go down easier for today's audience
all the members of this death race are criminals and they only race within the confines of a prison. The lead protagonist though
is setup and put in this prison with the purpose of taking over the main driver's car and persona. The plot really isn't the important
part though and the film I think does a good job of realizing that and getting to the point of the racing. The race has one
aspect of it that makes it like Mario Kart where you actually drive over sensors that trigger either defensive weapons or attacking
weapons. Basically varying racing deaths occur and for the most part I enjoyed myself. I give this movie 3 and 3 quarter stars!
¾
Any Nudity? No.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars:
No not Episode 2, that was Attack of the Clones, this here is a new animated movie that is being used as a setup and a introduction
to the cartoon series that is about to come out. The animation unfortunately looks low budget, and it does hurt the movie at
the end of the day. But I did enjoy myself for the most part, it's basically non-stop action(like the new movies should've been)
with some plot elements involving Anakin's young alien apprentice and a whole Jabba the Hut stolen child angle as well as most
of the characters from the new movies sprinkled in. What you start realizing as you go this is, as I've mentioned already, is
that this movie is being used to setup the cartoon series, so a lot of the potentially dramatic elements lose their tension as
you know none of the main characters, whether they be good or evil, will die, instead they will live on in this new cartoon.
Overall I didn't hate it, I liked it, but I think Lucas missed a good chance here in really going all out with this film and
instead you are left feeling a little like you just watched what should've been, and maybe was intended to be originally, a tv movie. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope
The Dark Knight:
I'm not a huge Batman fan but I have to say this is the best Batman movie I've seen. The Joker, played by Heath Ledger, is
the obvious highlight and consistently hits the right note frequently in insanity. The story arch involving Two-Face is real
interesting too and overall everything in the movie was done well made me a slightly bigger fan of the Batman character. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No
Hellboy 2: Golden Army:
A short review is this movie has amazing special effects, amazing characters, but they've completely emmasculated Hellboy,
given him just bad line after bad line, and lost all the coolness of Hellboy that was persistently there in the first film.
It's a shame since so much of this movie works, except for the most important part the Hellboy character. I still give it 3 stars though.
Any Nudity? Nope
Wall-E:
Another Pixar movie that just happens to look great, be charming as all heck, and really cement what should already be obvious
that these guys make probably the best kids movies out there. Wall-E doesn't say much but you are always aware of his emotions
and he's driven into a epic space love affair with a much more advanced robot. He eventually finds himself on a space station
where most of the humans from earth live and have every need given to them resulting in them all being fat asses. The movie is funny and
touching and while maybe not the best Pixar movie is up there with the best. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No
The Incredible Hulk:
New Hulk, new cast. Here Bruce Banner is trying to find a cure while being hunted by the american government. The
one big knock against the first film is that there was very little Hulk, in fact no Hulk for the first hour. Here they
get to the Hulk a bit more quickly. I've heard a lot of people say this Hulk is better because of that, but I actually
thought no Hulk moment in this film matched the Hulk moments in the first film. Though the battle at the end was at
least better than that odd Hulk vs. father oddness in the first film. Also as much as they might have a better
actor playing the lead roll I didn't think he brought anything more to the part, also I actually hated Liv Tyler
as the love interest. The general and his cronie were interesting . The best part though was the crazy scientist trying
to help Banner, that guy actually saved the movie in my opinion. Overall it's a enjoyable ride with some nice Hulk action but
ultimately an average film. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:
Indy's back! And apparantly people care. Personally I liked the second movie, but in general have never been a big fan.
This movie is really catering to fans of the film, a few old cast members return to brighten their days. In general this
movie is just plain stupid. I get it, the Indy movies were never serious, but this movie wittles down to nothing more than
big set pieces and non stop cheesy dialogue to suffer through. It's not horrible, there are a couple scenes that work real
well, most notably the fire ant part, but this movie expects too much for the viewer to already be taken in with the lead
character and I just plain am not. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian:
I really liked the first film, the combination of fantasy beasts and english charm worked. This movie is pretty good but
also takes a dark turn, some humans have apparantly taken over Narnia and are basically the bad guys of the film while the
rest of the creatures join forces to defend themselves. Then the kids come to help them defend the Narnian creatures. I liked the
action sequences and the overall flow of the film, but it's not as good as the first film. Overall I enjoy this series
of films much more than the Harry Potter films. I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Not a bit
Semi-Pro:
I personally loved Talladega Nights, but hated Blades of Glory. Semi-Pro is somewhere near Blades of Glory. It's sometimes
hilarious but also misses the mark repeatedly. It ultimately feels like a movie that not too much thought was put in, they
were just happy Will Ferrell accepted the roll and hoped he'd save a lame script. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes
Iron Man:
Another year and more superheroes are getting their time to shine on the big screen. In this one Robert Downy Jr. plays a
weapons manufacturer, who is basically the Bill Gates of building weapons and has one of the brightest scientific minds to boot.
He gets captured in the middle east and after building a 'iron man' to escape has an epiphany he wants to do good and not
make weapons anymore. Also some other stuff happens that I won't give away. But pretty much Robert Downy has a lot of funny
lines and it's cool seeing the process of the upgraded iron man suits being built and his relationship with the other characters
in the movie. This movie is funny and has a lot of cool moments. Definitely one of the better superhero movies to come out in awhile,
while movies like X-Men and Spiderman have been getting progressively worse with each film. I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope
88 Minutes:
In this movie Al Pacino is a psychologist who spends 88 minutes getting calls saying he is going to die after the 88 minutes
are up. He gets help from some of his students as he tries to stop his death from happening while one of his students is in on it
which he also tries to figure out which student it is. It's a very contrived storyline and reminds of similar time limit movies
and tv shows, and ends up feeling a bit like a rip off. The movie isn't that bad, but it wasn't that great either. I give this
movie 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Leatherheads:
This movie is a comical sort of satirical telling of the creation of professional football. Rather than go for realism the
movie basically tells the story sort of like a movie made in the 40s might tell the story, in more of a prettied up reality
than a gritty true to life reality. It's all very tongue and cheek but still manages to stay interesting till the end. Most
of all it's a comedy and a pretty decent one. I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Resurrecting The Champ:
Here a son of a famous sports writer tries to make a bigger name for himself by telling the story of a famous boxer who is
down on his luck to the point where he's a bum walking the streets. The boxer/bum is played by Samuel L Jackson and gives a
very good performance and has a very cool accent that sells the roll. Some other stuff happens that causes some trouble for the
writer that I won't get into but overall this is a decent film. It definitely doesn't look like it has a strong budget and
while the movie is interesting it wasn't incredible. I'd recommend it however. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story:
This is a movie that doesn't know what it wants to be. When it's trying to be a Spinal Tap movie where it's sort of a hyper
realism it's great, but when it gets into the goofy, Naked Gun type stuff the movie just plain falls on it's face. This movie
is basically the story of singer as he goes through his entire career from little boy to old man and all the trials and tribulations
he experiences. There's definitely some good humor here but just when you start getting that tingling you sometimes feel in
a epic story the movie tosses in the most nonsensical scene to just throw you off the journey. The movie in the end I wouldn't
recommend. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
There Will Be Blood:
In this movie a quirky kinda demented fellow takes up oil mining in the late 1800s and early 1900s. He's sorta a theif,
sorta a mobster, but not quite. If anything he just takes advantage of people and intimidates people and is generally just
a very angry person who hates being around people. There's a lot of making fun of religion in this movie, to the point of bashing it, sometimes even literally.
The man also raises a boy who he parades around giving the impression to people he's actually a better person than he is. It's
all really an interesting mixture of social anxiety, being emotionless and not caring about his fellow human beings that makes
for an interesting and entertaining film. I give this 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Uhmmm. I don't think so.
Rambo:
Rambo's back, and I for one wish he wasn't back. I thought Rocky Balboa was at least a well thought out script, for Rambo
however Stallone clearly didn't wait for the right script, basically you could put any character in this movie and it would've
felt the same. For the most part Rambo says a lot of stuff that I guess is supposed to sound cool, but ends up being ridiculously
cheesy. The action scenes are downright ridiculous. I'm all for gore, but the amount of limbs blowing off and over the top
violence just didn't work at all. None of it seemed realistic, it's as if everyone was made out of clay. The storyline is basically
about Rambo taking a group of bible thumpers to a really dangerous location. And of course they end up in danger. That's pretty
much it. I think if this wasn't 'Rambo' I might give it a better score, but I just wasn't feeling how all over the place this
movie was. Some of the scenes were interesting in how brutal the "Burmese pirates" were though. I give this 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Cloverfield:
To put it simply this is Godzilla from the human perspective. It's all shot as if one guy is running around with a hand held
camera and for the most part the movie is that much cooler for it. The movie starts out setting up the people that are carrying
this camera then the creature attacks as they try to run away at first then go back into the heart of the city to rescue someone.
It's really amazing the epic scale this movie delivers while still maintaining that one guy holding a camera feel. This is far
better than simply remaking another Godzilla movie(btw the creature isn't actually Godzilla) and I think has instantly become
one of my favorite films. 4 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
No Country For Old Men:
In this movie a very cool serial killer runs amock in a small southern town. It starts off with a guy stumbling upon what
appears to be a drug deal gone wrong in the desert and finds a bag of money he takes. The serial killer is kinda a hired gun
except the people doing the hiring didn't realize what a whackjob they hired. The serial killer has a cool sounding voice and
basically spends his time carrying threatening conversations with people and of course killing a lot of them. There's some degree
of comedy to the movie, but it's generally a dark film. I wasn't completely into the movie though, at times the movie drags
and a lot of it didn't make a hell of a lot of sense. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Juno:
This is a funny movie about a 16 year old girl who gets pregnant and decides to give it away to adoptive parents. This movie
has a similar vibe to Superbad, but more chick focussed than guy focussed. Most of the personalities are interesting in this
movie from the adoptive parents, to the father of Juno's baby, to Juno's parents, to her friends, they all are a quirky and
at times hilarious group. If there's one fault, and it has more to do with my ADD personality, is sometimes
it feels like there's nothing but dialogue you're sitting through, but it is great dialogue. I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem:
This sequel leaves off where the last film left off, basically a Alien jutting out of a Predator. What happens is the Alien
causes the ship to crash land back on earth and then the Aliens start breeding and infesting earth. Then another Predator
gets some sort of message this happens and flies to earth to kill the Aliens. Then of course there's the obligatory human
element with their own stories surrounding it. I pretty much thought the first one was horrible, and this one I'd say is a
less focussed, basically it amounts to little more than a Friday of the 13th or Halloween movie, namely the later ones where
they ran out of ideas. The ending though does seem to indicate that they are going to go for a more epic nature to their next
film. One character in this film has a Sigourney Weaver quality to her and I think the next film will involve them going out
into space. Kinda like a prequel to the Alien movies, except we aren't there yet, and they'll probably screw that up as much
as these first two movies. I give this movie one and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Beowulf:
This is a movie about the greatest hero in all the land that can slay demons and rip the heart from dragons and bed any woman
he wishes, or something like that. Basically Beowulf thinks a lot of himself, and has no fear, and seeks the fame and notoriety
that comes from the actions he takes. Overall the movie is pretty cool, though I thought suffered from being a CGI movie. Basically
they tried real hard to go for realism but there didn't seem much point to having this movie animated other than doing it for
the sake of doing it. The characters in the movie are cool and it is the kind of movie that leaves you pumped up after watching it.
Overall I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes, animated though.
I Am Legend:
In this movie Will Smith is the last person on earth in a world consumed with a virus that turns humans into insane animals.
Will Smith is also a scientist, trying to find a cure while he runs/drives around New York with his trusty dog in tow. For the
most part the relationship between Smith and his dog is the best part of the movie. Other than that this movie has a very, complete
rip off of 28 days later feel to it. Overall I'd say the movie is engaging, but in the end subpar, as the enemies aren't original
or interesting. A bit of a let down overall, but it had enough moments. I give this movie 3 out of 5 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Live Free or Die Hard:
I've never been the biggest fan of the Die Hard movies, they're ok, well the first one was anyways, but I've never really
cared about the main character. In this Die Hard it tells the story of a hacker trying to take down the US, and Bruce Willis
basically trying to protect a different hacker while trying to save the world. For the most part this movie widdles down to a
bad story and stupid premise surrounded by some cool action sequences and Bruce Willis(or John Maclean, the character he plays)
acting as shocked as we are that he survived the ridiculous situations he's put in. I have to say one story line I hate is
when they overly involve hackers, sometimes it's ok, but sometimes it seems like the film makers are trying too hard to be very hip
and in tune with tech culture. Overall I thought this movie was just average. I give this 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Resident Evil: Extinction:
For the most part the Resident Evil films have been at least decent, and for the most part this movie follows suit. Milla
Jovovich I think has been and still is the best part of these movies, her quirky portrayal of a woman who's the ultimate zombie
killing soldier makes you both feel for her and care about her. The other characters for the most part widdle down to not much
more than cartoon characters though. In this film the world has basically been taken over by zombies and Umbrella(the evil corporation
responsible for the zombie epidemic) is busy in their underground lairs trying to figure out a cure for the problem while some
humans try their best to survive topside. The trailers of this film didn't do much to get me interested in this film, but
the movie I'd say is at least better than I thought it would be. Some people from the previous movies return, but they are
pretty much there for the sake of being there, and don't really add much to the story, except for the scientist. I thought
the action flowed well and the ending was somewhat fullfilling. And not to give anything away but I am interested in seeing
the sure to come sequel. I give this movie 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes, a little bit of Milla titty.
American Gangster:
This is a movie about a black coke dealer from the 70s(I think) and a cop that's trying to take him down. It starts out kinda
slow, and a bit confusing, but it does sort of get into the epic nature the film is shooting for, the movie is sort of going
for a Godfather or Scarface vibe. This is supposed to be based on a true story which is what saves the movie at times, it is
sort of hit or miss in the end though. It's deffinately a cool, engaging story with some great characters, but it has it's share
of moments that made me yawn instead of being a great rollercoaster ride of stuff happening. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yep, lot of naked coke whores and some not quite coke whores.
Halloween:
This is a re-telling of the original, first, Halloween movie. Rob Zombie directs and a lot of the actors he used in his first
two films make cameos here. The movie spends about the first half on Micheal Myers(the villain of the film) in his childhood and
shows how he became a serial killer and his first killings, a psychiatrist also plays a big role as he tries to study and understand
Micheal's way of being. The killings in this movie are very gritty, there's a very realistic natural to them that will really make
your skin crawl, not a lot of, if any, campy killing. For the most part it all flows well and probably ranks right at the
top of all the Halloween movies, and in the horror genre even. I was never a big Halloween fan, but this movie is very well
done and has made me a fan. There is also a TON of Nudity in this film, sure it's all surrounded in death, but it's there and
it is good stuff. I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes, quite a lot of it!
The Bourne Ultimatum:
I was a big fan of the first two movies, Matt Damon's portrayal of a emotionless guy who is basically the world's best at
just about everything having to do with killing, going undercover and assessing a situation and knowing exactly what to do
made for a very cool ride. This third one really assumes you have seen those two movies, and that they are still in your head,
and for the most part I had forgetten a lot of what had happened so it is a bit confusing at first. I'd almost suggest watching
the other movies right before seeing this one to get a refresher course on the history even though they do attempt to tell some
of it in uncomfortable flashbacks. I'd say there isn't really a great sequence of Bourne doing his thing till about an hour and
10 minutes in, the movie's pace is a little bit too slow. Overall I enjoyed the film but mainly the last third of it. If you are
unfamiliar with this series Bourne is basically a guy who has no memory of who or what he is and a big government agency is trying to
take him down based on all the knowledge he acquired before he completely lost his memory. Basically they should just leave
him alone, but they refuse to, and Bourne is not one to be messed with. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No sir
The Simpsons Movie:
Are you sick of the Simpsons tv show yet? No? Well... ok then. Whether you are or aren't if you've ever been a fan of
the cartoon you are probably interested to see what they'll do with a movie. For the most part the movie is funny and they
try to fill the movie with a lot of the characters from the show on screen at a time. This movie is basically about Homer
screwing the people of Springfield with some other stuff going on with the government and generally Homer acting his regular
selfish self. Homer is really the focal point, and while I think the tv show has been crap for awhile this movie at least has
enough funny and not much of the really bad stuff from the newer tv shows, namely really bad premises and completely horrible
attempts at pop culture humor. Overall though the movie isn't great, but it has enough of the good Simpsons charm that make
it worth watching if you're at least a little bit into the Simpsons. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes, Bart...
Transformers:
It's finally here, the live action Transformers movie! And I have to say right off the bat, completely lived up to my expectations,
and surpassed them. The robots are shown from a very human perspective, making the robots look like the giant hulking
beasts of metal they are. When each key robot makes their appearance it's a great sight to see and hear. For the most part
the robots look great and their transformations look great, and their voices, outside of maybe a couple notables like Megatron, are
as perfect as from the G1 cartoons. The robots are also chalk full of attitude and interact with each other in much the same
way you might remember. The humans aren't too bad either, the girl is especially hot, though if I were to make one knock on the
movie is that for the most part the movie is goofy in a perfect way, until it tips the scale to too goofy. It doesn't ruin
the movie, but I did find myself groaning a few times. Overall the action sequences just kick ass and I don't know how a fan
of the old cartoons can not like this movie. This is deffinately a movie I want to watch again and again. 4 and a half stars!
½
Any Nudity? No.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres:
It's my opinion if you are going to make a movie based on a tv show it should at the very least feel like the ultimate episode
of that tv show. The appeal of the show is it's a mess of non-sensical things meshed together in brilliant hillarious fashion. Each
show is about 10 minutes long and is perfect, this movie is one and a half hours long and... well it's funny. This movie
deffinately has a lot of laughs, but it hits on a lot of what already happened in the tv show. I mean think to yourself the
first time you saw the 'Moon Men', awesome episode right? And then the next time they appeared? Still funny, but not quite
as amazing. The problem with this movie is it doesn't try anything new, it's just a bunch of characters and premises you are
familiar with that are regurgitated. In the end it doesn't really work too well, except for a rare instance of brilliance.
Still funny just... a little deja-vu feeling. 3 and a quarter stars.
¼
Any Nudity? No.
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer:
Well the first Fantastic 4 sucked, and guess what? They managed to make a worse sequel. Barely anything works in this movie,
it's one annoying premise after another. For the most part the Silver Surfer is a cool character and the Human Torch has
his moments, but I still can't believe how lame the Thing still is, there's not one scene with the Thing in it that works, and he's
in a lot of them as you'd expect. The plotline flows in a very non-realistic way, situations come up with very odd reactions
to them. And one of the biggest let downs is Galactus who is in the movie, is nothing more than a storm cloud... just a complete
cop out. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Naked flaming Jessica Alba!... yeah you don't really see anything.
28 Weeks Later:
In this sequel to 28 days later the virus thought dead is back for more. It starts off with the rebuilding of UK, and people slowly
migrating back while they continue to clean up the mess the plague brought(basically all the dead bodies). There's a whole
twisted family element that is really sadistic. There's a lot of really gross
moments and some crazy camera work and cuts that will drive you up the wall. It has some cool action but when it slows down
for some 'story' it's kinda painful to sit through, but when it ramps up again it's good again. It's kinda a zombie movie except the zombies
are some fast mothers. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Spider-Man 3:
Spidey is back, this time with three villains. There's a bunch of love story stuff here and as a result a lot of Peter Parker.
The movie is very rich in sappy moments and corny moments, the other movies had them, but I think with all the characters they
kinda had to rush through things and a lot of it seemed really forced and made me groan. The three villains are Sandman who
I would consider the best done both storywise and effects wise, then there's Venom who I think suffers the most in that they
kinda rushed through him and in the end he felt like just a bit character, and not the huge part he should be. Then there's the
son of the Green Goblin, who becomes mini-goblin and really it's a necessary character based on what happened in the previous
movies but in the end the whole story arc surrounding him I thought was forced and lame, without getting into too much detail about it.
At any rate the movie has it's fair share of hilarious moments and the action scenes are great, the Sandman is just unbelievable
to see on-screen. Overall though I'd probably rate this as the worst Spider-Man movie but I loved the other two so that's not
really a bad thing. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
TMNT:
I was a big fan of the Turtles when I was a kid, the movies were great, though admittedly only the first one was really that
great. I even started to catch some of the newer cartoons and liked them, then they went into the future which was a horrible
move. Anyways this movie plays out much like one of the new pre-future cartoons have, and follows the same basic story of Shredder
being dead, a girl being the leader of 'the foot' while attempting to inject new alien type beings into the mix. For the most
part I enjoyed the little bits of drama and the movie as a whole, but in the end it's really just a good episode of the television
show. It doesn't really have that epic nature a movie needs to have. Apparantly the next movie will have Shredder but as
for this movie I think it's worth watching, but you should probably wait for it to come out on the movie network, not really
worth going to the movies to see. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
300:
This is a movie about 300 Spartans that stood against the might of a invading army while all the Spartans left at home debated
if they should help them out. The movie shows how the Spartans are taught from birth to fight and live their lives through
the hardships of training till they reach adulthood. This movie though isn't trying to be historically accurate, as some fantasy
elements like weird creatures are mixed in. The fight scenes in this movie are really great and show the skill of the Spartans. The
stuff back at home was just slow and dull, with only one interesting moment. It's a shame they couldn't make the drama work at
home since it really takes away from the movie as a whole. This movie reminds me of the tv show Rome in terms of the vibe, but
personally I find the tv show Rome just better in every way. This movie has a bunch of female nude scenes right at the start which
are nice. Overall I really wanted to love this movie, but in the end I merely like it. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes there was
Ghost Rider:
I read the Ghost Rider comic as a kid, though honestly I don't remember much about it. This movie shows that Ghost Rider
is a cool character, with a good backstory, but what this movie ain't is a good movie. The emotional moments don't
really hit and Ghost Rider as cool as he looks on screen the stuff he does is kinda boring. The villain in this movie
is really bad, not the devil who is kinda interesting but the son who acts like a spoiled brat and does nothing that
makes him seem even a little bit threatening. This movie just doesn't work on many levels. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope
Rocky Balboa:
I was a fan of all five Rockys so me liking this film is no surprise, but I think a lot of people will be shocked by just
how great the script for this latest Rocky film is. It's very much like the first one and clicks with the same emotional punch.
There's a big fight for your dreams message throughout the film, there's also a good amount of laughs. When Rocky begins
his training to fight Mason Dixon, the current champ, it's done in a perfect way with Apollo Creed's old trainer giving one
hell of a pumping up speech. Great holiday film, 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No
Borat:
One of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. I couldn't stop laughing for at least the first 20 minutes
of the film. I started to hurt from it! This movie is about 60 percent made up and 40 percent real life stuff like
what he does on the Ali G show. But the 60 percent made up stuff is funny, think Borat doing some naked wrestling with a obese
man who is also naked and simulating 69 during the fight funny. 4 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes
Gridiron Gang:
In this movie The Rock makes a football team out of a bunch of young criminals to attempt to rehabilitate
them. It's got some cool moments and isn't overly positive. Gang violence happens all around them
as they struggle to keep focussed on being a football team. It's based on a true story I think. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope
The Covenant:
This movie is about a group of kids with special powers. Basically everything they would think
to do they can do. The problem though is using their powers makes them age quicker. The movie
doesn't really offer much explanation, though I guess it tries to paint a picture of why things
are as they are throughout the film, though it's never really that clear. A evil guy with the
same powers comes in to try to wreck their lives for whatever reason. There's this forced love
story that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, they fall in love after about 2 dates that didn't
amount to much. Overall there is some really cool moments involving the powers but generally
the movie just doesn't click. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Girl in a shower, but can't really see anything.
Crossover:
This movie tells the story of two good basketball players and a street basketball league headed
by some kind of mob boss who just happens to be Wayne Brady. One of the basketball players
shows a very high level of talent and the mob boss, who isn't really a mob boss but that's what
I'm calling him in this review for some reason... wants to either a) manage him as a NBA player
or b) have him be a poster child for his street league. The basketball player doesn't want to
do either. There's also a sorta love story between two girls the guys meet. Anyways not to
give too much away I have to say that I really liked this movie, it was made well and is a refreshing
change from a lot of the average movies that have a similar setting. There's good camera work
and the story is written well. 3 and a half stars
½
Any Nudity? No
Accepted:
In this movie a guy doesn't get accepted to college. Rather than going on with his life he
decides to set up a fake college so that his parents will get off his back. He not only makes
a fake acceptance letter he also leases out a building and due to a too believable website he
sets up he then gets a slew of students to the fake college who also are a bunch of people that
couldn't get into any other college. The movie plays out like Animal House in a way where they
have a little war with a frat at a REAL college. Overall the guy and his friends who set up this
fake college spend a lot of time and effort trying to keep this scam going whilst eventually
inspiring themselves to actually try to give their fake students a real/fake education. Overall it
works on some level but is also a movie that doesn't feel very original. It's predictable. The biggest
problem is the 'jokes' aren't that funny. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? nope!
Snakes on a Plane:
This movie is about snakes on a plane. If you haven't already rushed out to your local theatre
after that synopsis then I'll continue. Here a guy witnesses a murder and Sam Jackson, a FBI agent,
saves him from his would be demise. They go on a plane heading to LA(from Hawaii) where
the guy plans to testify against the murderers. But the murderers have a plan see, it's to
put... snakes on a plane! It's ingenious really, find a way to put snakes on a plane then also lace
all the leighs people are wearing(they are coming from Hawaii remember) with a pheromone that
drives the snakes crazy. Also to top it off they place a very tiny bomb that isn't enough to
damage the plane at all, but it is enough to release the snakes onto the plane so they can run
amock. Overall this movie is fun, and is a little sadistic. It works as a mindless thriller
and has a very B-movie vibe. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? YES!
Talladega Nights:
This movie is really funny, Will Ferrel and his Nascar buddies have a very Southern slightly retarded
attitude amongst themselves that fits perfectly. The movie takes a lot of jabs at the South
and Nascar but manages to click on all accounts to make it all seem real on some surreal level.
You can just imagine people do act like these characters do, though maybe some of the more ridiculous
moments aren't quite so realistic. Generally I laughed my ass off throughout the whole film.
4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
John Tucker Must Die:
This is a movie about a group of girls that try to get revenge on the most popular boy in school
by getting a new girl to date him then break his heart like he did to them. Basically the girls
fail miserably time and time again as John Tucker is just that charming that he can turn almost
any negative into a positive. Overall it has some funny moments but it's really just a dumb
movie with a sorry premise aimed at girls. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Miami Vice:
In a remake of the classic television show Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell reprise the roles of the
Miami cop team. Here they go undercover for a drug kingpin and amist screwing some chicks try
to take him down. It was a little odd not to hear the old classic tune at any point during the film, but whatever. Overall
I got kinda bored during the movie, it's a little too laid back and convenient a film, nothing
here feels that fresh and seems like a desperate attempt to create a new franchise off of a
familiar name. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Close, but not quite.
Clerks 2:
If there's one thing Kevin Smith knows how to do it's movie's with Jay and Silent Bob in them...
actually that's all he does come to think of it. In this move Dante's 'Quick Stop' burns down
so he goes to work for 'Moobie's' with his friend Randal and plans to move away from New Jersey
with his girlfriend. Dante is really just a douche, the main characters to watch here are Randal
with his blunt thoughts on the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Star Wars, and his love for a good
Donkey sex show. And of course Jay and Silent Bob who basically spend the time dancing to songs
and generally acting like pervy nuts. Rosario Dawson is the boss/love interest to Dante(though
not his girlfriend) and she's basically a fun girl who Dante is having trouble leaving behind.
Overall the movie hits where it counts, the laughs, and while the plot wasn't that great I am
a big fan of the old Clerks movie and this is a good sequel to that. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? A See-Through.
My Super Ex Girlfriend:
I went into this movie expecting to hate it, but it's actually not that bad. Uma Thurman, aka
Superman as a girl, basically is a very heroic superhero by day, but a nerdy, slightly crazy, girl
in her personal life. She basically gets REALLY attached to her boyfriend, played by Luke Wilson,
who then dumps her and she basically makes his life a living hell... putting his car into outerspace,
punching a hole in his ceiling, that sort of thing. The movie really is a comedy with some somewhat
violent sex scenes. Think Superman as a emotional wreck of a girl and you have a fairly good
idea of what this movie is about. There's also some side things with a slightly evil ex-boyfriend
of the Super Ex Girlfriend and the woman she thinks his boyfriend wants. The effects are
a bit of a downer, they deffinately didn't go all out for this movie, deffinately the kind of
effects you'd expect to see on tv, not in a movie. But the movie is funny. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Not much, actually none.
You, Me and Dupree:
Am I the only one sick of Owen Wilson? It's like watching the same movie over and over again
with this guy. Anyways basically in this movie Owen Wilson is the best friend of this newly
married guy who his wife hates, but his wife then starts liking him after Owen basically destroys
the house. It's pretty much slightly funny gags around a horrible story. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No sir.
A Scanner Darkly:
This is one of those movies that tries to be artistic in the vein of a Being John Malkovich or
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Here it's a weird world where undercover agents wear these
weird suits that constantly change their appearance yet the people they are investigating are
themselves. Pretty much Keanu Reeves is part of this group that is addicted to this drug called 'D'
that distorts their reality, makes them see things and perceive the world in a different way. The movie is shot in this
weird cell shaded look that gives everything and everybody a cartoonish look. Woody Harrelson
and Robert Downey Jr. are part of Keanu's little gang and they are hillarious as they overreact and
generally act in a odd manner with very odd ideas of what make sense. The highlight of
this movie is probably Winona Ryder getting topless! A great moment in filmmaking. I give this movie
3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yep.
Little Man:
Here a very tiny thief acts like a baby to try to get back the diamond that he left in a couple's
bag while he was trying to get away from the cops. The 'Little Man' is basically a small body
with Marlon Wayans' face digitally put on to it. For the most part it looks like a digital head on
a small body, so the effects aren't that great. But the movie is fairly funny even though the premise
is on very shakey ground. He pretty much spends the movie not being able to escape the gaze of his
'adopted' parents, while slowly starting to fall in love with them to the point he starts caring more
about them than the diamond. The movie's good moments come when the 'little man' starts reverting
to his gangster ways and starts acting tough and macking on the adult chicks. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest:
I wasn't a huge fan of the first one, but this one I liked. The creatures look cool and the story
is less by the number than the last one was. Actually the storyline is a bit confusing, but for
the most part it's entertaing. In this one it starts out almost immediately after the last one
ended. Orlando Bloom's character and Keira Knightley's are arrested but they are allowed out to
try to get Captain Jack Sparrow's(Johnny Depp's) compass. Davey Jones, some dude with tentacles growing
out of his face, is after Jack to collect on his debt for letting him use the Black Pearl pirate ship.
There's basically a lot of sword fighting and some cool giant octopus sequences while varies parties
try to get to a chest with Davey Jones' heart in it. Overall it's entertaining and worth going to
but I'm not exactly anticipating the sequel that's sure to come. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
The Devil Wears Prada:
In this movie a girl(Anne Hathaway) goes to work for a woman(Meryl Streep) who has a lot of power in the fashion
industry, who runs a magazine and has a whole slew of people around her trying to impress her
by doing every thing that is asked of them. Anne Hathaway basically spends her time getting calls
for her boss and doing every ridiculous, and not so ridiculous, task that is asked of her the second it's asked. This ends
up affecting her friendships and her relationships as she slowly realizes she's losing her identity.
The movie has a good share of laughs and the 'I'm better than you' attitude of the boss is entertaining.
Overall there isn't much to this movie but it has it's moments. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Superman Returns: An IMAX 3D Experience:
Superman is back, and instead of going through the retelling of his origin AGAIN this is kinda
a sequel to the original movies. The movie even opens with the classic credits jutting out at you
and theme. Though while this movie does assume you already know who Superman is it also brings
a mess of new things to the table that is pretty confusing. Lex Luthor for one knows just about
everything about Superman, his home world, whatever, so it gives you a sense that there is a looong
history here that was skipped over. One thing different is noone knows who Superman is... yet, at
least I think so, I mean Superman did date Lois Lane but for whatever the reason Superman telling
Lois he's Clark Kent has yet to happen. There's a couple other differences, but I won't get into
everything. Basically in this movie Superman comes back to earth after about a 5 year long trip
back to his homeworld. The people of course are happy he's back as he begins saving them in a
variety of ways. When Superman is being Superman it's a very cool ride, when he's Clark Kent
he's basically doing a Christopher Reeves impression, it's the exact same performance. Lex Luthor is
extra evil now, not so humorous as he was before, though not completely humorless either. The
dialogue in this movie was hit or miss, at times I was bored, most of the between Superman bits
I was getting a tinge of malaise. The ending especially I thought just dragged and dragged when
it should've just ended earlier. Overall I liked it, and I have high hopes for a sequel. As for
the 'IMAX 3D Experience' I attended, basically certain parts were in 3D but a very odd 3d, I felt
like I had double vision. Maybe my glasses were broke, but I don't think so, though I don't know
that the movie would've been any better watching the regular version of Superman, basically what
you get is a sense of perspective and certain things are closer to you. So it was alright
I guess. I give the movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope!
Waist Deep:
This movie tells the story of a man living in a ghetto who gets not only his car but his
son stolen. He then tries to raise the $100,000 the kidnappers are asking for by going on
a crime spree with a girl who actually played a part in the kidnapping... so that's a little odd.
The entire movie is actually fairly boring, there's nothing inventive in the writing and while
they are trying to be dramatic it all seems very familiar. I don't recommend this. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Click:
In this movie Adam Sandler is a impatient guy who gets a remote control that can control time.
He can pause, fast forward, even pull up a commentary on things that happened in his life voiced
by James Earl Jones. He can't rewind though, which is where he runs into problems. His wife,
two kids, grandparents and boss play a big part in this movie. The movie
has it's funny moments and the menu options of the remote are particularly cool. I found it
actually pretty touching near the end. The movie sort of has a 'Time Machine' or 'Butterfly Effect' vibe to it, though
of course not exactly like either. Overall I enjoyed myself and would recommend it. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift:
This is of course the sequel to the other two racing movies. Paul Walker is gone and now
a new white guy takes center stage who is also very good at racing, and is basically a fuck up who
keeps getting into legal trouble. In his latest trouble with the law his Mom sends him to live
with his Dad in Tokyo. There of course, he gets into illegal racing again, on his first day.
He challenges some guy to a race, but little does he know it's a DRIFTING race, so he basically
crashes some guy's car. Then he gets involved in the yakuza mob. It's all fairly ludicrous
but it is a fun movie. It's at least far better than the last one, though I'd say the first
one was better. Tokyo is a cool place and it's interesting to see in essence the same premise
but with the asian style. It kept my interest and had some fairly cool moments. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Unfortunately no.
Nacho Libre:
This movie is kinda funny, though more confusing and odd than anything. Jack Black's spanish
accent is very inconsistent, to the point of distraction. I kinda think this movie would
be better without Jack Black, he mugs the camera so much that you can't help thinking 'that's
Jack Black', he doesn't really do a good job of selling the roll. The movie is about a Monk/Priest
who takes part in Spanish wrestling matches(Lucha Libre) to both gain fame and earn money
for the orphanage he grew up in. He meets up with this skinny crazy guy who he ends up convincing
to be his tag team partner. The movie also runs on the premise that the wrestling matches
are real. Nacho Libre is funny enough, but it has it's fair share of problems and yawn
inducing moments. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
United 93:
This is a movie about the flight on 9/11 that never made it to it's target. Instead the passengers
attacked the terrorists and the plane went down in a field. It's a touching story and shows
the bravery of the passengers but you wish they had done so sooner, but of course then the
threat of terrorists on American soil wasn't as big a concern so it took them awhile to finally
agree to attack the terrorists. It's weird that this movie was made so soon, but it was deffinately
a well done movie. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Over the Hedge:
This is a cartoon movie about a racoon who has to find all the food he trashed from a hibernating
bear and cons a group of animals to steal the food for him from the suburbs. It's a funny movie and has
some cool animation though the plot seems like it's been told a few too many times. You know,
person tries to do a bad thing, person cons people, then person starts loving the people he's
conning. But I guess a kids movie isn't supposed to be that deep... Basically a nice movie
for the kids that the adults will find some humor with. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
X-Men 3: The Last Stand:
Well it was bound to happen, another X-Men movie gets made. I liked the first two, but this
sequel is really getting lazy with the license. Simply added a couple new mutants isn't
enough for me. We need a new super villain, since Magneto isn't really cutting it anymore.
The movie starts out great, with what I've said this sequel should be, I won't give it away
but lets just say the enemies are giant, and metallic ;). But it's not exactly happening, well
I guess I've said too much already, but it's cool for the short time it lasts. The rest of
the movie basically centers around a boy who can take away mutant's power who the US goverment
has a hold of, Magneto trying to put a stop to that, and the Phoenix(formerly Jean Gray) becoming
the most powerful mutant there is. When Phoenix uses her powers, it's awesome, but the rest
is fairly yawn inducing. There are some decent action sequences but the X-Men license is going
to continue to get stale if they keep relying on just adding a couple new mutants. There's
a lot of death in this movie, but something tells me they'll find a way to revive the key characters for the next movie. Most
of the time the X-Men seem like they are half using their powers, they need a major problem
for them to really unleash some hell. Lets hope for the best with X-Men 4, but if they
don't take it to the next level for the next movie they might as well just retire the franchise.
2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No. Though Rebecca Romijn gets close.
Mission Impossible 3:
This movie starts off great, but then the movie does one of those things that tells you what
led up to getting to that point. And really, nothing is as good as that first scene. Basically
Ethan Hunt(Tom Cruise) has sort of quit being a field agent for awhile and got married. He
then goes back into the field and encounters a sadistic enemy who then uses Ethan's wife against
him to get what he want, and revenge. The movie has some interesting action elements and some drama
but overall it was a bit of letdown. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Stick it!:
This is a movie about Gymnastics. About the rough and tumble world of it and how the judging
apparantly sucks in it. The movie stars Haley who is a ex-pro gymnast with some problems
who is forced back into it by a court order. She then attempts to change the very stern and
strict rules of gymnastics. This is deffinately a chick movie, it has a decent amount of laughs
but a lot of the movie gave me a sense of 'I really don't care enough about gymnastics to like
or really get this movie'. A pretty average movie all around, 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Scary Movie 4:
This movie starts out pretty well and is fairly funny, I haven't seen a couple of the movies
they are spoofing here so some of it was a bit confusing. At the very least this Scary Movie
is better than the horrible last two, but after the half way point I got kinda bored. I would
say the biggest laughs come from stuff that weren't even scary movies. The Brokeback Mountain
stuff was funny, the George Bush spoofing was funny and the end with the Tom Cruise on Oprah
spoof cracked me up. Overall this movie isn't that great though, but even though it didn't
stay consistent at least it had a few laughs. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
V for Vendetta:
This movie is a Big Brotherish movie set in the future where the US is apparantly caught in
nonstop civil war and Britain is some sort of totalitarian government that is also the new superpower. 'V' the hero of this movie
is some kind of poetic hero that wants to bring down this government. Natalie Portman is some
chick caught up in the whole mess after V saves her. Overall it's a cool movie with a very
british style to it. The Big Brother angle I've seen many times before in movies that I'm
almost bored by it but I guess it's the only way this movie could work. Deffinately the first decent
movie in awhile. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Dead people nudity I think.
Brokeback Mountain:
This is pretty much what you may have heard, a gay cowboy movie. But it's not gay cowboys from
the 1800s like I thought it's modern day gay cowboys. Anyways this movie basically tells the story
of how the two cowboys met up and fell in love and goes through about 20 years of life where
they basically have to keep their little love affair a secret while having wives and children
on the side. It's a very well told story and has some touching moments. For those uneasy about
seeing a movie about two gay cowboys Anne Hathaway and Michelle Williams are both nude, and in
the case of Ms. Hathaway it's a very welcome sight :) But this movie is basically a love story
not often told and it's really not that uncomfortable to see two guys making out... well ok maybe
a tad. I give Brokeback Mountain 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes, both male and female!
King Kong:
This is a movie about a big ape kicking ass left and right while finding true love with a human
girl. The movie does a real good job of making King Kong look big, at least at the start, and overall
King Kong is just cool as he kicks Tyranosaurus ass and stomps on pesky humans. The one low
point I thought was the long extended moments between Kong and Naomi Watts, I already 'got it' that
they dug each other when Naomi stopped being scared of Kong, they didn't need to drive the point into
the ground. The movie sometimes comes across as Peter Jackson just went nuts with the budget he
had and just threw every possible angle of fights at us, which I don't got a problem with. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Chronicles of Narnia:
This is a fantasy tale that is very much for the kids but adults will find enjoyment too. There
are some funny moments but the real draw is how well the different types of animals are presented
onscreen. Sure, everything is very odd, but Narnia I guess is supposed to feel like a kid's imagination
run amock. The kids were cast well and give good performances, especially the little girl. There
are some real nice epic battle scenes too. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Aeon Flux:
This is a futuristic movie about a world where 99 percent of the world died from a virus and
the rest of the people that survived live in one city. The premise already is ridiculous. The
movie actually starts out pretty well with some good action and Charlize Theron looking hot but the plot
suffers from being way too overcomplicated for it's own good. Not much makes much sense. Overall
I thought it was a better movie than that Equilibrium, which seemed liked the same movie. If Charlize
was almost naked throughout the whole movie I might give it some marks there, but she's pretty covered up save
for a couple of scenes. 2 and a half stars
½
Any Nudity? No.
Doom:
A subpar movie. This is based on the videogame Doom and has a healthy amount of problems.
The first might be that practically every enemy was pretty much a zombie, not some super
creature... there were big zombies, but nothing was all that special about them. There is this one enemy,
a kind of fat doglike thing that was cool, but apart from that, pretty
uninspired enemies. The movie is about a group of marines who go to mars to contain a situation
involving some scientists and some sort of virus that is mutating them. The movie's really
only highlight is the extended first person sequence, it was cool, damned cool, but it wasn't
long and when you finally go back to seeing the person who was in first person it's like seeing the temporary
bit of fun in the movie evaporate. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Ya, but only a picture.
Murderball:
This is a documentary about wheelchair rugby. All the competitors are quadriplegic in some form.
Basically the guys ram into each other with their wheelchairs and pass the ball around trying
to score. The movie tells the story of the men well, how they became quadriplegic and what their
life is like now. The most interesting part of the movie however is about a former Team USA
all-star wheelchair rugby athlete that got cut from the team(after getting old) who then defected
to the Canadian team to coach their team on to beat the team that cut him. This movie shows
the competitive drive these athletes have and really that they are just like you and I, not that
that should come as any shock. It's an uplifting movie and has a lot of good drama. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes, some quad sex.
Serenity:
As some of you may know this is the continuation to the tv show Firefly that was on Fox a
few years ago. The crew of the Serenity is pretty much intact though they do retell the story
of the little girl and her brother getting on board for the first time. One of the things the
old show boasted about was the lack of any aliens, but in this movie there are these creatures
called reapers that were once human, but now are unholy killing machines who eat people, scar
up their bodies and just so happen to have mastered space travel as well. The movie centers
around the little girl who is psychic and a killing machine, the goverment, or what passes for
the goverment in this future world, sets out to kill this girl and will kill anyone else to
get to her. The movie has some cool action sequences and a good deal of laughs. The dialogue
is written well and the psychic girl is easily the highlight, she's really hot and has some sweet
acrobatic moves. Overall a good movie but it didn't leave me hankering for any sort of sequel. 3 and
a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Four Brothers:
Four Brothers is about four troubled guys raised by a old woman since they were kids. The
premise is that these are the only four guys that 'mom' took in that actually ended up in a
life of crime anyways. So when Mom gets killed they go on a hunt around the neighbourhood
to try to avenge her death. It's a pretty intense movie and is pretty cool. I thought the
ending was cheesy though, didn't really fit into the mood of the movie. A little too goofy.
I also wish the big tittied latino chick got naked, but she didn't :( 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Transporter 2:
This movie is about a guy who drives a child of some big political figure to and from school.
Some people decide they want to kidnap the child and the Transporter, after a wild escape from
an evil doctor/mob guys desguised as doctors, decides to basically just hand over the kid for
practically no good reason. I guess you need to see the movie to get what I'm talking about,
but it was odd. Anyways 'the transporter' basically spends the rest of the movie trying to
undo what he could've easily prevented from happening in the first place if he would've just
driven up the kid's driveway. There's some cool sequences and the girl villian spent the whole
movie in her underwear, and with mascara running down her face, hot. The movie has a few more 'huh?'
moments but I won't spoil the movie. Overall it was a cool action movie that I can tell already
will get several sequels. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
March of the Penguins:
This is a movie about what penguins have to go through to give birth to their young. It's
interesting but nothing was too surprising or shocking. A few penguins die and they go
without food for months. The relationship between the mom father
and child was interesting and a bit touching in a way. But I found a lot of it dull. 2
and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No humans.
Red Eye:
This is a new suspense thriller by Wes Craven. It's basically about a hitman who threatens
a girl on a plane that she has to change the room number of a political official, or her father will be killed(she works at the hotel).
It's nothing too exciting but it has it's moments. Overall the movie suffers from being
too much of a gimmick but it did hold my attention. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Not at all.
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo:
This is a pretty aweful movie. How the actors involved looked at this script and thought
it was good makes me never want to see anything they are ever part of again. I think they
are trying to go for a Airplane or Naked Gun vibe but they so miss the mark. There's a little
bit of funny stuff going on in the gigolo frat, but not much. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yup.
The 40 Year Old Virgin:
This movie is a combination of funny and slightly annoying. This virgin has just way too many
opportunities before finally doing the deed and you kinda want to slap him for being such a
retard for letting those opportunities pass by. I can understand being shy but
when you actually get a girl to the bedroom it should be pretty much a done deal, you would
think. The three friends provided the majority of the laughs and overall it's a decent comedy.
3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
The Island:
The Island is about a world where the survivors of a contamination wait around for a trip
to an Island that is some sort of paradise. The reality however is they are all clones of
real people on the outside world and when they get called up to go to the Island they are
actually getting their organs harvested or giving birth to someone's baby, then they are killed. The movie is FULL of holes left and
right, there's just so much to pick apart. It is actually pretty fun and interesting but
it's sometimes hard to suspend disbelief. You begin to ask yourself questions like, why is
there so little security? What's to stop the workers from telling the truth? Why is that
mercenary not even flinching when he sees his comrades dying left and right? just on and on.
2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Dukes of Hazzard:
This is a really dumb and stupid movie. It's really more for people that remember the old
show because there isn't much here for people new to the series. Jessica Simpson, as horrid
a actress as she is, is about the only highlight of the movie, she's in the movie so little
that when she actually makes a appearance it's sorta refreshing to see her sexy self. Johnny Knocksville, Sean William
Scott, Willie Nelson, Burt Reynolds are all horribly cast. They all deliver horrible and
awkward performances. The General Lee car chases are kinda cool, but unfortunately some dumb
dialogue is mixed into it. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Land of the Dead:
This is an interesting movie. It presents a world that has had zombies around for so long
that eventually the zombies try to revert back into some normalcy by trying to do whatever
they used to do before they died. There's this one very aware zombie that basically leads
the zombies on and even picks up a gun to shoot with. The living people meanwhile have set
up a sort of civilization for themselves where a crime lord controls a big luxury building.
So what ends up happening is there's this whole drama between the crime lord and a couple of
his cronies whilst the zombies attempt to use what's left of their brain for doing more than
just walking slowly, and staring off into the distance. It's a OK movie, kinda felt a bit
cheesy at times. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Stealth:
If you miss the days of movies like 'Short Circuit', this is the movie for you. The movie
is REALLY goofy, and another dose of hollywood trying to convince the world that machines with
artificial intelligence will screw us royally. There are some cool sequences but the plot
is so bad. Basically there is a love story between two of the pilots amid a rogue robot stealth
fighter with the standard evil corrupt politician to shake things up. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Hustle and Flow:
This movie is about a pimp who tries to make it in the rap game. This ain't the luxurious
pimp you are used to, this is a down on his luck pimp living day to day in a shithole, though
it's no surprise since he's pimping his hoes for 20 dollars a trick. Anyways it's an interesting
movie and the lead actor has a funny way of speaking, kinda a pimp scarface. The movie
I thought spent too much time in the recording room but the last 20 minutes or so were real
good. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes.
Devils Rejects:
This is the sequel to Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses which was a cool movie but also a blatant
Texas Chainsaw Massacre ripoff. But Corpses had some deffinate cool characters which
return for this movie. In this movie the cops finally unleash the heat on the house, instead
of the two person squad from the last movie. I won't get into too many specifics about
what happens in the movie, but there is some brutality by 'the devils rejects' and one
cop is the brother of one of the cops killed in the previous movie and decides to treat the devils
like they treat their victims. Overall I'd say there was some uncomfortable dialogue. Rob Zombie
is deffinately growing as a director, but some of his script writting needs a bit of work. Slow
motion I also thought was used too often. But then again, for a 7 million dollar budget I guess he could
only do so much. I would say I liked this about as much as 1000 Corpses, neither are superb, but
if you are a bit of a sick bastard, you'll enjoy yourself. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yep, a bunch!
Wedding Crashers:
This movie is really funny. The dialogue is sharp and for the most part it's a fun movie. The
two wedding crashers basically act like a couple over enthusiastic people the whole time, basically
becoming the life of the party of the parties they crash. There's a lot of great naked breasts
in the film, very nice. Eventually the two guys get sidetracked be some political guy's daughters
and one of them thinks he is in love. The problem is the girl he's in love with is involved
so he tries to find a way around that. The movie is crewd and deffinately not for the kids. Deffinately
a lot better than I was expecting it to be. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Cube Zero:
This is the sequel to the previous, trapped in a box, Cube films, though more so a sequel
to the first, since it ignores most of the odd stuff brought up in the previous film. The
movie again is about some people trapped in a series of cubes who don't know how they got
there and try to find some way out while trying to avoid the sadistic traps that would kill
them. This time however you also see what's happening in the control room, to see what the
people overseeing this odd torture device are doing. For the most part you get to learn
a lot more about the 'why?' and 'what?' of this whole cube-iverse. It was deffinately
nice to see that yet another Cube movie got released, and frankly, I could see a lot more of
them, they really are fun and cool movies. This movie I give 3 and a half stars to.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Fantastic Four:
This movie is kinda fun. Some of the relationship stuff was uncomfortable, and Johny Storm
while a bit of an ass, is probably the best character. I thought they really ruined the Thing,
apart from his horrible look, they just forced too much of his sadness about being so grotesque
looking, I just wasn't buying any of it. They have some fun with the fact Jessica Alba
has to get naked to become completely invisible, which is hot. Overall
the movie is average, it doesn't make you want to see a sequel. But it has some entertaining
parts. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Invisible nudity :(
War of the Worlds:
This movie starts out really well, to the point you are wrapped up in the story and forget that
the aliens are about to invade. Then they do and it is cool for awhile. But eventually you just
keep seeing the same thing everywhere, rather than a bunch of different cool alien creatures/machines
and the ending... wow, there's so much to be said about that, but I won't ruin the movie. The
movie is a lot like Signs in many ways, which is a lot of the problem. Some things crucial to the
plot are just ignored so we can keep following around Tom Cruise. Basically the openning half, phenomenal,
the second half, kinda blew. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No nudity.
Mr and Mrs Smith:
This is a fun movie, it's got some good action and some nice dialogue between the Smiths. The movie
is about a married couple who both happen to be spies on opposite sides of...something, I'm not sure
what. Eventually they realize they have to kill one another and some shooting and hilarity ensues.
Angelina Jolie manages to be insanely hot throughout, 3 stars.
Any Nudity? None.
Batman Begins:
I'll be honest, I was already sick of Batman before seeing this movie. This movie is decent, has an ok story and some
good flashbacks but overall this movie has a been there done that feel to it. Scarecrow was a good
villain and the cast was altogether ok. I thought Christian Bale was a deffinate low point, also
I thought the Batman costume was kinda ugly. Not a bad movie, just a tired premise. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith:
Well it's over, for me at least. This is where it all goes down, jedis die, and Darth Vadar rises.
The movie is action packed with some sparce dialogue to keep you from having a aneurism. The robots
move around in a cartoon like manner this time around, but it works. There's some funny
bits here and there, that are actually funny. The Wookie part is REALLY brief, if you are expecting
a lot of wookie screen time, think again. The lightsaber battles are the highlight here, they rock.
How Anakin turns to the dark side is done well, though maybe done in a standard 'how the good guy gets
tricked into being evil' way. General Grievous, the lightsaber weilding robot is a cool character, though
I think you have to have watched those clone wars cartoons to get why he's cool. As for how this
ranks against the other Star Wars movies. I dunno, I still think empire strikes back beats this one,
honestly, I expected most of what happened to happen, so it killed a lot of the drama. But if
you have a bit of the dark side in you, you'll love the dark turn of this episode. And really, it's
not like you ain't gonna see this movie if I say it isn't good, but it's good, it's very good. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Unleashed:
This movie is very cool. It's about a guy(Jet Li) who is raised as a attack dog to do a mob boss's
bidding. He spends the first part of the movie just going NUTS on people after the mob boss
takes off his dog collar, basically killing everyone. After something happens a blind man
takes him under his wing and tries to cure him. Overall the movie is consistently good and has
just the right amount of both violence and emotion. Of course if Jet Li was raised by a british
guy since age four he shouldn't have a asian accent, but you kinda have to suspend disbelief on that. 4
and a half stars!
½
Any Nudity? I think so, yes.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
This is a pretty funny movie. It plays out like the non-earth people are pretty much used to
the universe and are a little bored by it. You almost feel sleepy looking at how laid back everyone
is. There's a bunch of cool sequences and some typical british-style humor. Just think of
Monty Python in space and you have a pretty good idea of what to expect. Zooey is looking hot, but
unfortunately doesn't show much. 3 and a half stars
½
Any Nudity? No.
Sahara:
This is basically a Indiana Jones ripoff. I do not know how this movie cost 130 million dollars
to make, since I could've done with a lot more special effects. It's a very low key movie with a bunch
of over the top personalities that were pretty annoying. Penelope Cruz though wasn't that annoying,
there's something about her voice that is damned hot. A lot about this movie is too convenient, including
the end, most of the progress the group made was sheer dumb luck. The movie wasn't all bad, but
the bad outweighed the good. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Fever Pitch:
This movie was a bit better than I was expecting. Drew Barrymore though is
as annoying as ever. Jimmy Fallon has some odd lines, they almost come across
like he's back reading cue cards at SNL. Anyways, the movie is basically about
a die hard Red Sox fan, though the whole red sox winning the world seies ends up being
an afterthought. The movie was funny but it's more of a date movie than anything. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Kung Fu Hustle:
This movie is made by the same people behind Shaolin Soccer, maybe one of my favorite
movies ever, and contains some of the same cast. I thought this movie started
out very strong with some cool stuff happening, but I thought it dragged the further
into the movie you went. The movie is basically about people with some out of this
world powers, it's sorta like crouching tiger times 1000, it all comes across as
some kind of video game with supermoves and the whole bit. The sequence with the guitar
was damn nice. It's hard to describe this movie since it is fairly bizzare but
I thought it lost some of it's fun near the end. I coulda done with another dance routine,
or something :) I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Sin City:
This is a damn good movie. Most movies have one badass character, this has about
five of them. This is a superhero comic movie ripped right from the comic pages, not
this mass produced hack job you tend to see these days. This movie is funny too,
in fact there's this one part that literally the whole theatre keeled over in laughter.
This movie is basically about a series of hero characters trying to do what's right,
it sort of plays out as three seperate stories, but they are interconnected somewhat.
There's a lot of brutality and killing. The movie is black and white, but there
are splashing of color to highlight a few things. Overall it's one of the best
movies I've seen in awhile. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, there's a lot
of great nudity in here, like Carla Gugino looking fucking awesome nude! 5 stars!
Any Nudity? Yes, a lot of great titties.
Robots:
Robin Williams is really the highlight pf this film, he's the only character
that's consistently funny. Most of the other characters were fairly dull and
I really don't get why there was a actor for every voice, just got distracting.
The movie has some cool sequences but overall it's not anything that special. Most
of the jokes were lame and the plot is just too by the books. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? err, no.
Ray:
This is the story of Ray Charles. Pretty much you find out he was a junky and
cheated on his wife. It was interesting seeing how Ray functioned in the world
being blind, but the movie just isn't that entertaining. It plays a bit too much
like a documentary, which I guess is what it is. Jamie Foxx did do a good job
though. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou:
This movie is odd but it's funny and kinda cool. This is sort of a spoof of
a nature program in a way. Sort of a behind the scenes of a Crocodile Hunter
type show, except this focuses on aquatic life. It goes off in some weird
directions that I found entertaining and there's this matter of fact attitude
to the characters that works. One thing that annoyed me though was the accent
on Owen Wilson, probably one of the worst accents I've ever heard. I give this
3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? There wasn't.
Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior:
This is a Jackie Chan style film, though Jackie Chan deffinately does more impressive
things. But whoever the lead actor is in this he does have some cool moves, and he
throws one mean elbow to the head. The story is basically about a religous culture
getting the head of some statue stolen from them and they get the 'thai warrior' to
go to the city to get it back. There are some cool fights, some setup in a fight club
type setup. There are some funny moments and the characters are pretty good. The story
though tends to not be as strong near the end and the movie does tend to drag a
bit. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Chronicles of Riddick:
Riddick is a pretty cool character. Granted, the story makes little sense and nothing
is explained, but if you accept the world for what it is this movie is actually
pretty entertaining. The female version of Riddick was pretty cool too. Overall
I thought it was a great looking movie with some great action sequences. 3 and
a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
The Aviator:
A pretty good movie. This is the story of Howard Hughes, film director, plane
maker, OCD nut. I was a lot more entertained than I expected to be, the old time
way of talking was funny to hear and it's interesting to see Howard push whacky
ideas while investing tons of his own money only to see most of it come through
for him. It's inspirational, but also a bit sad as you watch Howard Hughes get
consumed by his OCD disorders. It's a looong movie but I thought the best part
was near the end of the film during the senate hearings. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Assault on Precinct 13:
This is a pretty decent action movie. It's basically about a group of crooked
cops trying to kill everyone in a precinct to save their good name. It's pretty
ludicrous, but it has some cool sequences and events that keep the movie
going at a good pace. Overall I thought the cast of characters were good and it
was a fun movie to sit through. There were some gruesome deaths too. Laurence Fishburn
I thought was the low point of the film, he's supposed to be this big bad ass bad
guy but he didn't look or sound the part. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Elektra:
Not that good. My biggest problem with the film was they had some cool enemies but
they ALL died in the most unimpressive of ways. Just an uninventive movie with
no originality. 1 star.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:
This is one odd movie, some kind of acid trip. It reminds me of Being John Malkovich.
It basically shows what's going on in the head of the Jim Carey character as his
mind is being erased trying to forget about a girl and him realizing during the
good memories that he doesn't want all his memories erased. It's just odd. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Some see-through with Kirsten Dunst.
Million Dollar Baby:
This movie is alright. It's about a girl boxer and a stodgy trainer/cut man.
It was kinda boring in parts but the boxing bits were cool. It's basically a tug
at your heart strings type of drama. Not that great, but it has a fairly interesting
story. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Meet the Fockers:
The Fockers are basically the exact opposite of the Robert Deniro character.
The movie has some funny parts and plays off some stuff from the first movie. Altogether
though I thought the movie was a bit too uncomfortable. The Ben Stiller character
is just annoying. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Almost.
Harold and Kumar go to White Castle:
This is deffinately a movie for stoners, about stoners. It's funny and does
leave you craving some White Castle, except the catch for me is, there isn't
a White Castle in my country(Canada) that I know of. oh well. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? A nice topless scene.
The Butterfly Effect:
This movie was a bit better than expected. Though one thing I didn't like was
the whole pedophile angle, way too many films these days have that in the film. But apart
from that I thought it ended fairly well and it was pretty interesting to see
the main character slowly twist the world around him. It did drag in parts and
Aston Kucher isn't exactly the best actor in the world. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Ali G: In Da House:
This movie, well it's just bad. I really like the Ali G show but this movie is
often painful to sit through. Bad plot, barely any laughs. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes, but not good nudity.
The Incredibles:
Another Pixar movie, this time with superheroes. This movie is basically a comedic
Fantastic Four movie. It has some pretty cool action sequences and humans actually
die, which is surprising in a kids movie. It's also fairly funny. I recommend
it. 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Team America: World Police:
Team America is pretty funny, it basically pokes fun at celebrity anti-war
protestors and shows Team America basically not caring about any other country
but america. It gets into some issues that may annoy some people, but
it's basically just a ridiculous and sophmoric film that has a few laughs. And
the puppets weren't too creepy... but they were a little creepy. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Puppet Nudity.
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow:
This is a movie about a semi futuristic world that is actually set in the 40s.
It looks pretty cool and does have some cool moments. It does tend to drag near
the end though. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Negative.
G.I.JOE: Valor vs. Venom::
This is a new computer animated GiJoe Movie. I was a huge fan of the old cartoon
and movie so I of course had to check out this new dvd. The computer animation
for the most part looks cool, but some characters, like Destro, look particularly
bad. Unfortunately the storyline of this movie is just not very good. Plus it's
way too pg. The only enemies that die are in fact robots, and there's this whole
paintball thing that was lame as hell. Also the new 'superenemy' just looked terrible.
One thing I didn't get is that they never used the old gijoe theme song for some
odd reason, instead they used lame rock tunes. Overall I recommend this for the hardcore
fans, but overall it's a subpar film. I just hope this leads to a regular gijoe
cartoon series on television. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Negative.
Shaun of the Dead:
This is a comedy about how the stupid people deal with a zombie attack. It's kinda
funny, but not consistently funny. In fact, if you've seen the trailer, most of the
funny parts are in there. I give this 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Not a bit.
Resident Evil: Apocalypse:
This is a pretty good movie. Though some things border on ludicrous. But most
of that can be reasoned by the fact Umbrella is run by complete lunatics. The
ending is extra odd, but I won't get into that. The girl playing Jill Valentine
is so fucking hot. Her face is quite striking. I give this 3 and 3 quarter stars.
¾
Any Nudity? Yep! Some nice nudity.
Hero:
When did slow paced become a good thing? I can't tell you the amount of 5 star(according to other critics)
bore fests I've seen. This movie is beautiful, there's no question, but if you
think there will be a lot of great action sequences you are mistaken. There are two
very cool parts, the arrows, and the two person kill fest through the palace, but the
rest is either way too slow dialogue, or way too artsy and slow-motion fighting where
I guess the intent is to make us gush with emotions. You may like this, but I
didn't. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Open Water:
This is a low budget shark movie. It's basically about two people left in open
water after a mistake by someone. It's not that great. I give this 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Super Size Me:
This is a documentary about a guy who ate nothing but McDonalds for a month. It
basically tries to make the obvious point that fast food is unhealthy. The main
'beef' I have with this movie is the guy overdid it. He clearly ate more than he
would've otherwise the first few days, essentially gorging himself, which completely
messes up his so called research. He also couldn't have anything non Mcdonalds, including aspirin for
headaches, which is a little over the top. I'm sure he could've skipped the
shakes, the sundaes, the double burgers. But I guess he wanted to make sure he
was REALLY unhealthy by the end of it, not just pretty unhealthy. The movie
just isn't that entertaining when it comes down to it. I give this 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Napoleon Dynamite:
This movie is pretty funny. It's also very very odd. I give this 4 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Alien vs. Predator:
(warning, this review is spoiler filled)This should've been called Alien vs. Predator and friend. The setup to this movie
is horrible and there is NO obvious winner. It seems Alien can kill predator in hand to
hand, but predator with gun can take out alien. But predator with human friend? goodnight
alien! Ok, I gave away the entire movie. So sue me, but the movie just ain't good. With no
humans this mighta had potential, but with them, junk. 1 and
a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No sir.
Collateral:
This movie started out ok and the progression of events was done in a smart way. But
the ending was completely cliche of action movie, and really killed the little bit
of cleverness this movie had going for it. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope!
Catwoman:
I tried to like this, and I started to, but the movie just doesn't work. It was
cool and kinda hot to see Halle walk and act like a cat, but the superhuman strength
and fighting ability made no sense, since cats aren't exactly great fighters. The
movie would've worked better if Catwoman was more stealthy than adept at fighting.
The problem with this movie is the director seemed unwilling to give catwoman any
obvious weaknesses, even though in real life everyone has weaknesses..
I give this movie 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nops.
I, Robot:
If there's one constant in the universe, it's that the robots we create will eventually
kick our butts and take control. Also another constant is that Will Smith will
save the world. This isn't exactly an original premise(the books aside), but
this movie is pretty enjoyable, and fun. The robots are sufficently creepy and
the chick is hot. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Close, but no..
Anchorman:
This movie is really funny. It's completely ridiculous and works because of it.
Basically Will Ferral is comic gold. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No sir.
DodgeBall, A True Underdog Story:
This movie is funny, but I thought the ending was retarded and the dodgeball part
was too brief. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Spider-Man 2:
Finally a Spider-Man movie with a villain that doesn't suck, but yet I didn't enjoy this movie more.
Where the first movie you left the theatre wanting to swing through the
streets while spinning webs this movie leaves you feeling a bit aggitated, at least if
you are a true Spider-Man fan. There's something that happens so often that
it got annoying. A couple of times it woulda been ok, but it happened OVER and OVER.
What am I talking about? Well, I won't spoil the movie for you. Apart from that
Doc Oc kicks major ass, they did that character very well and the tentacles worked.
Mary Jane is sporting hard nips again and the story was fairly funny, but it did get
boring in parts. I give this movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Fahrenheit 9/11:
This movie is pretty propoganda filled, it's what happens when you don't show
any valid points from the other side of arguments, BUT despite this you can't help
but having a general, maybe not hatred, but complete lack of respect for George W Bush
after watching this film. Some of the points made are out of left field and should
be taken with a grain of salt but the footage shown of Bush during 9/11 and his
connections with Saudi Arabia are downright appauling. Though if you want to
hate Bush, there are plenty of other reasons to hate him that weren't addressed in
this movie. Now back to my review of the movie, not Bush. I thought a lot
of the parts dragged, I was so uncomfortable in my seat it wasn't even funny. This
is not a theatre movie, this is a tv movie. There are humorous parts, but there's
just a bit too much stuff that'll make you feel like you are back in a classroom.
I give this 3 and a half stars, but wait for the video release.
½
Any Nudity? Errrrr.. no.
The Day After Tomorrow:
Now here's a bad movie. Was the family plot really necessary? it was the absolute
worst. This ice age disaster isn't that big a deal apparantly. It's not quite the
extintion level disaster that you may have thought. The only reason a lot of people died
is because noone believed the guy who predicted it until the second it was too late,
or else they would've had time to get to safe spots of the world. I give this 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Troy:
This movie has a fairly enjoyable storyline. It has a lot of god believers vs
non god believers stuff. Needless to say, the gods could give a damned about their
believers, apparantly. Brad Pitt falls into the role well, better than Tom Cruise
did a Samuraii anyways. The fights are cool, there are these one on one battles
that break out in the midst of the battlefield that both sides suddenly stop
and watch at. And as predictable as the movie is I couldn't help but shout
at the screen 'LOOK INSIDE THE HORSE YOU IDIOTS'(at least in my head). Anyways, I give this 3 and a
half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes.
Shrek 2:
Better than expected. The expressions on the characters' faces are simply priceless,
especially the cat, they really sell the comedy. The animation is done in a cool way
and at times seem fairly realistic despite the cartoonish look. I laughed a lot
in this film and it manages to be a little bit fresh though it does rely on a bit
of what we saw in Shrek 1. The ending was a bit too predictable though. I give
this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? The privates have been conveniently cut off for the kids.
The Punisher:
I best know Punisher for the time he tried to kill Spider-Man, I never really
read the Punisher comic books. My main problem with this movie comes with the fact
he's killing regular evil people, not evil people with superpowers. This movie
does a very poor job of making you want to see a sequel. The main bad guy is a
joke(John Travolta) and as little as the Punisher talks, when he does finally
say something it's the lamest thing ever. I kinda liked the fight with the
russian though. This movie screams B movie. I give this 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Yup.
Kill Bill Volume 2:
This movie was pretty good up until she finally got around to the kill bill part.
The last part of the movie killed the movie for me with completely unecessary dialogue.
There's a lot more backstory told in this volume but it's never really explained
why she can take a bullet and not die, except to imply that she might be a superhero,
whatever that means. Overall I give this 3 stars, it was very cool at times but
this should've been one movie, not two parts.
Any Nudity? Yes, in the stripbar.
Walking Tall:
This movie moves at a breakneck speed. Where most movies try to build up in an
effort to create tension this movie just gets right to the point. The Rock getting 'left
for dead' happens so quick, that it doesn't make much sense. His becoming Sheriff
happens almost as quick. But it's that pacing that makes this film a little different
and kinda refreshing. The movie also gives the viewer that sense of, don't take
bull from anyone. Unfortunately that initial quickness, where the rock got left
for dead made so little sense that it sort of killed a lot of what happened after
that. I give this 3 stars though.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Hellboy:
Hellboy is a cool character, he's got the personality of a Stone Cold or Ash but
with more insecurities. The movie is funny but the battles coulda been a bit better.
Unfortunately they used the same enemy too many times. The story is cool, a few
'what the hell is going on?' moments but nothing too bad. The fish guy was cool
too. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nein.
Dawn of the Dead:
This movie has similar qualities to other recent horror flicks (freddy vs jason, texas
chainsaw massacre) except this movie feels like it has a lower budget even though it doesn't.
Though this movie does have some cool camera angles, and a few cool sequences. I thought
the movie was pretty cool up until about the 20th minute of straight zombiless dialogue.
I will admit that they were smart for staying in that mall, but still. Also their
idea of going to an island was dumbfounded. They were in a mall filled with fun and food
yet for some reason they eventually wanted to go to a deserted island. Anyways, if
you see this movie make sure you stay for the entire credits. I give this 2 and 3/4 stars.
¾
Any Nudity? Yes, there was.
The Girl Next Door:
This film is a little more complicated than your average teen movie. Actually,
it's pretty over the top and ridiculous. But it manages to work better than a lot
of teen movies. Elisha Cuthbert looks tremendous, and there's this one black
bra she wears that make her breasts look huge. The movie basically revolves
around the fact Elisha is a pornstar and that the kid is kinda clueless about girls.
The movie falls apart in the fact that things both go completely wrong for the kid
in a not believable kinda way then it all comes together in a even more not believable
way. But as I said, Elisha is hot. I give this three stars.
Any Nudity? Yup, a bunch of naked strippers and pornstars..
Starsky & Hutch:
This movie was a little better than I was expecting. It felt a lot like
a 70's movie, they didn't really have any special effects to speak of. Snoop
had some funny lines but he felt generally uncomfortable in his role. Owens'
Hutch character was pretty bland but Stiller's role was a bit better defined.
It's an average film really. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? a girl takes her clothes off, but you can't see anything.
The Passion of the Christ:
Let's get this out of the way right off the bat, I'm an atheist, I don't believe
God exists nor do I believe the events of the Bible are the truth. Maybe not a complete
fabrication, but anything miracle-esque is deffinately bull. Having said that,
I did find the movie interesting, it did manage to keep my attention rather than
bore me. I thought it ended abruptly though. The effects of the open cuts and
blood on Jesus were done well. On a side note I can see why some people might
call this movie anti-semetic, but I won't get into all of that. Basically my
main problem with this film is that it helps promote religion in it's own little
way, which I don't really agree with. I give this 3 stars though.
Any Nudity? No.
Eurotrip:
There is a LOT of nudity in this movie, just blatant nudity and sexuality throughout,
which was great. The movie is fairly funny, but not consistently so. The lead
characters apart from Michelle were all pretty boring and lame. Overall
it's probably a movie you want to see alone in your house than in a theater, if
you get my drift ;) 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yep, lots of it!
50 First Dates:
This is the type of movie you can't imagine them doing right, and that's basically
true for this movie. But really, it's got some funny parts which is the important
thing, but the idea, that the adam sandler character would fall for someone like drew barrymore
is a little ridiculous. It ends kinda ok, but overall I wasn't blown away by this
movie. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Some See-Through action with Drew.
Barber Shop 2:
This is a fairly respectable sequel. Enough is different about this movie
that they aren't just hitting the same notes. Cedric is still the best character.
A lot of laughs are to be had here, though the bad news is Queen Latifah's character
is going to get spun off into a movie called Beauty Shop, oh boy, a bunch of women
whining about how evil men are, what fun. I give Barber Shop 2 three and a half
stars.
½
Any Nudity? Not even close.
Monster:
Not a bad movie, but I thought they should've showed more of the killings. The
relationship was kinda boring once they hit the road and after killing her
second victim we find out she has actually killed like 20 people. I guess
they didn't want to overdo the gore, but I coulda done with more of it. 3 and
a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Yes, with a bit of fat slapped on..
Spellbound:
A documentary about a spelling bee is what this is. The kids are about
as geeky as you might expect(with maybe 1 exception), and the parents are generally all nuts and overbearing.
It's a good documentary though, I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
Battle Royale 2:
This is not the same movie as the first, and in most part, that's not a good thing.
Where in the first one it was an ultra cool world gone mad with the basic premise
of a group of kids being forced to fight to the death till only one person was
left standing, in this one it tries
to overcomplicate things and make it a somewhat more normal storyline. The movie
does indeed start out with a group of kids being forced onto an island like the first
one BUT they are NOT being forced to hunt each other to the death, instead they
are given some kind of war simulations that they have to survive through while
they work as a team. Half way through some kid freedom fighters rescue them (how
they got to the island was never really explained) then some other stuff
happens that I won't get into. But it ends up being too normal a premise instead
of getting even more wackier. Having the kids NEVER forced to hunt each other was
a big mistake in my book, and I'm generally completely let down by this sequel. You
can find my review of the first one further down the page. I give this movie 2 stars.
Any Nudity? None.
Big Fish:
This movie is basically about tall tales. The moral of this story seems to be
that it's ok to exaggerate. Basically a son gets told a lot of stories by his dad that
aren't completely true, and the son ends up resenting him for it. This is really
just a collection of goofy stories that I guess is supposed to capture the viewer's
imagination. I thought it was good, but I think the old man was fairly off
his rocker. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Ya.
Honey:
Jessica Alba is really hot in this movie, she's also more convincing in her role
than I was expecting. The movie isn't horrible but just about everything is cliched
and too geared towards a happy ending. Based on some of the setups SOMETHING should've
not worked out, but everything turns out great for everyone. Basically watch
this just to look at Jessica Alba wiggle. 2 and 3 quarter stars.
¾
Any Nudity? I wish.
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King:
This is a good movie with great action sequences but is completely predictable
and too long a movie. I never read the books, but still nothing was tense because
I knew all the key characters would remain alive. I'm guessing you have to have
read the books to be blown away by the complete series, because while I did enjoy
the three movies I wouldn't call this one of my favorite movies of all time. It's
still good, I give this specific movie 4 stars.
Any Nudity? Once again, no.
Stuck on You:
This movie is sometimes funny, sometimes touching, and sometimes neither. A lot
of the parts made too little sense and weren't even funny while making no sense.
Overall I recommend this. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Not a bit.
The Last Samurai:
I guess the moral of this story is, Japan good, America bad. It was never
really explained why the Tom Cruise character completely turned his back on his
country, I understood why he hated his commanding officer, but why should that
translate into his hatred of american culture. Simply put, the samurai he alligned
himself with were deluded and foolish, and practically begging to die. While he
may like the peaceful culture, how can he ignore their inemptitude of the changing
world around them. Anyways, the movie is kinda predictable, though it was entertaining
during the fight scenes. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Bad Santa:
This is a really funny movie. It's refreshing to see people actually
act like scum in a holiday movie. All the characters are great. 3 and 3 quarter
stars!
¾
Any Nudity? Nope.
Looney Tunes: Back in Action:
The first half of this movie is aweful, but the second half is fairly alright.
I really don't get why they cast Brendan Frasier and Jenna Elfman, talk about your
dead weight. Roger Rabbit this ain't and if it wasn't for the first half I might
give this a better score. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Buck naked cartoon animals.
Elf:
This movie is strictly for the kids. It stops being a comedy at one point and
just concentrates on Christmas sap and feel good type cliches for the rest of the
movie. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Matrix: Revolutions:
Well hello Mr. Anderson. I swear, they made Agent Smith too much of a central
character. This movie blows. It's the worst Matrix. The conclusion of this
Matrix is a JOKE. So much made no sense, in a over the top kind of way. Like for
example, the humans have these big hulking gun robots they can get into but for
some goddamned reason they didn't make ANYTHING to cover their bodies! It's not
like these are construction robot bodies like in Alien, these were built for war
yet don't even have anything to protect them from a small rock hitting their head.
Another thing that boggles the mind is that the robots don't SHOOT anything, so unless
they go up to you and slice you up, you are probably going to live. In short
I thought the first Matrix sucked, the second one started to make me a fan, then
the third just ripped out any positives from the last movie and served me a steaming
pile of more shit. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? kinda, not exactly.
Scary Movie 3:
This movie has a lot of laughs, but a lot of really bad parts too. This is better
than that horrid Scary Movie 2, not that that's saying much. Also the parts I liked
the most were the 8 mile spoofs, which wasn't even a scary movie. The intro with
Jenny Mccarthy and Pamela Anderson was fairly hot. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Das Experiment:
An experiment in boredom is what this is. NOTHING of interest happened until about
the final 20 minutes or so. They both tried to be too realistic, and too unrealistic, I
was expecting the nuttiness to happen right away, but I was forced to sit through
so much pointless crap that I just ended up hating this movie. 1 and a half star.
½
Any Nudity? Yep.
The Quiet American:
An ok movie, nothing that blew me away, but I could sit through it. I did enjoy
the love triangle. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre:
I was expecting to be bored since this is a remake of a remake but I really enjoyed
this film. The flow is good and the cast of characters is good. I do wonder
a couple things though. Like why did the girl have a gun in her vagina? and...
well, I won't give any more away actually. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nuh-uh.
Underworld:
Not that great. Half the time I felt like I was getting taught some sort of history
lesson. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Kill Bill Vol. 1:
Now how exactly do I review half of a movie. I'm not satisfied with the way the
movie ended and the slow pace-edness of the movie makes me think they could've
gotten to everything quicker so that the first half would just be one hour and
that everything could fit into one movie. Regardless of this fact, I did like
the brutal gore of this film, and the japanese influence was interesting, though
I coulda done without the large jumps that help to make this film seem nothing
like reality. I hope the second half comes through. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
The Ring:
Talk about your overrated movies. This movie was not only not scary, it had
the most inane plot I've seen in awhile. The premise of this movie is identical
to that feardotcom movie, another bad movie, and what's worse is I liked feardotcom
better. And yes, I realize Ringu came first. The little kid was horrible, these
way too smart for their own good kids are just way too unrealistic. I did kinda like
the ending, but not enough to make up for the rest of the crap.
½
Any Nudity? Only pokers.
The Rundown:
This movie ain't that bad. I've never been a fan of the Rock but this movie works
better than a lot of action flicks. It's also kinda funny, though Stifler's character
got annoying real fast. 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Lost in Translation:
This movie starts out very well and very funny, but eventually the movie gets so
slow and meandering that I got really bored. The problem with the movie is that
it focuses too much on the relationship between the two americans and not enough on
the Japanese culture which is the interesting part. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Jeepers Creepers 2:
This just isn't a good movie. The cast of humans were just bad, and I probably
would've preffered this movie from the perspective of the Creep, and not the school
kids. The guy trying to kill the Creeper wasn't that bad though, and one thing
the movie did do well is set up a sequel very well. As much as I disliked this
movie as a whole I actually want to see the sequel based on the ending. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Bend it Like Beckham:
This is a really good movie, I really liked it. The story is done well and
it has a couple touching moments. Keira Knightley is looking especially hot.
4 stars.
Any Nudity? Just some pokers.
The Medallion:
While you would think a movie starring Jackie Chan that used special effects instead
of his natural stunt abilities would be bad this movie is actually fairly good. Also
at first I hated the bumbling sidekick, and while he's deffinately a pointless character, he
had some funny lines. The chick in the movie is really hot, too bad she didn't
show much skin of any kind. The powers Jackie got in the movie were cool, and the whole
two medallion thing was done well. They could've toned down the goofiness however.
Three stars.
Any Nudity? Nope.
Open Range:
This movie is alright. Kevin Costner has a history of doing movies that happen in
real time. If the movie lasts 2 days, then it'll feel like 2 days sitting in the theatre.
This movie isn't too much different, but it does have a better pace than some
of his movies. Unfortunately cowboy stories have been done to death, and while
there is a decent gun fight I didn't really like the good guy outsiders versus the corrupt
mayor/sheriff storyline. 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nuh uh.
Equilibrium:
The premise of this movie is a little too unbelievable. Never in a million years
would a government decide the best thing for the world is to live without any sort
of emotion, unless the government suddenly was run by mad men, and lunatics. Apart from
that I did like the action sequences of the movie though I did think the lead character
was a bit TOO powerful, it's like noone was even half as strong as him. 2 and
a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
S.W.A.T.:
The movie was ok at first, but then got incredibly lame. I think the only way this
woulda worked is if once the Swat team stopped the escape the first time a whole
new situation occured where someone was trying to free the guy, then followed by
another scenario, till the bad guy either escaped or got killed. Sure, it wouldn't be that believable,
but it would've at least made the already ridiculous premise fun to watch. As
it stands it's a badly put together film and gets 2 stars.
Any Nudity? Not at all.
Seabiscuit:
This is the type of movie designed with the older movie viewer in mind. This
movie is over melodramatic. I've never been a fan of horse racing and this movie
hasn't made me a fan of it, in fact, I couldn't figure out why I should care if
Seabiscuit won, I would've rather he lost to be honest. I'm sure all the other
horses have their own sad story. Anyways, this is a must see if you are over 40, otherwise
you may spend most of the movie waiting for this thing to finally end. 2 and a half
stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Old School:
This movie is pretty funny. It tries a little too hard to be a Animal House clone,
not that that's a bad thing, but this movie is hardly a original concept. There's
also a fair dose of Fight Club ripping off too. But I laughed, 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yup.
Freddy vs. Jason:
This movie is the Macdaddy! I loved this movie. Even the non-Freddy and Jason
plot parts were fairly well done. The Nudity in this movie is fantastic. I really
want to get into specifics about this movie, but I won't spoil it for you. 4 stars!
Any Nudity? Yes indeed.
Pirates Of The Caribbean:
Seeing this movie is like watching a much longer version of the trailer. Any
part that woulda been cool I saw already in the trailer. The story was ok I guess,
but I thought the whole thing was too slow moving for a pirate movie. Also
they had a hottie like Keira Knightley and she didn't show any decent skin
whatsoever. 2 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
American Wedding:
This movie is really funny. It's 10 times better than that horrible American
Pie 2. Stiffler is great and there is a great Nude scene in this movie. I
laughed consistently throughout the entire movie. 4 and a half stars!
½
Any Nudity? Yes, some great nudity
Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life:
This is a bad movie. I kinda liked the first one but this one just isn't
that much fun at all to watch. Lara is sporting some pokers at different points in the movie
but that's the only highlight of this film. 1 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? only pokers
Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over :
If you want to know what it's like watching this 3D movie, imagine a world with
contrast, with perspective, and almost COMPLETELY DEVOID OF COLOR. Everything in
3D land is this greenish, redish, greyish blur. It just doesn't look good. I don't
know that 3D was the way to go since 3D technology has clearly not advanced that
much at all. Though I did thoroughly enjoy the inside the game parts, which are
the 3D parts, but I think I woulda enjoyed this movie in rich color, than in 3D.
Though the absolute worst thing about this movie is the whole ending. Talk about
a director just not trying anymore. Actually the best thing for this film
woulda been an 'IMax Experience' but there's hardly any of that type of theatre
around. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? In a kids movie?
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen:
Not a bad movie at all. I was expecting to like this, and I did. There's a lot
of cool moments. There's a few plot problems here and there, and the reliance
on literary characters was a bit much, but overall I think this movie succeeds on enough
levels that make this entertaining to watch. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
2 Fast 2 Furious:
Not enough Furious really. This movie feels a lot like some video game. With
chases, checkpoints, etc. The storyline is ok. But I thought the movie just didn't
feel as cool as the first one, the music chosen kinda blew and the special effects
seemed to be lessened. I guess without Vin Diesel they couldn't have that great of
a budget or something. Also I thought a few nude scenes here and there woulda gone
a long way, but no chicks showed anything. I give this 2 and 3 quarter stars.
¾
Any Nudity? Nope.
Charlie's Angels 2: Full Throttle:
Who needs guns when you have super powers? This is a pretty ridiculous movie. The
fight scenes make absolutely no sense. It's also a sad state of affairs when
Cameron Diaz is looking really old. Lucy Liu looks great though. and Drew Barrymore
should've never been part of this series of movies in the first place. The Demi Moore
character was not too bad, but I wish she had actually killed one of the Angels, since
if nothing else, it would've made this movie dramatic, and set this movie up for a sequel.
Instead this movie kills any positives from the first movie and makes you completely
fed up with every angel. There were some cool moments but the horrid parts far outnumber
the good. oh, and Bernie Mac was pretty funny, but completely out of place.
1 and a half stars for this.
½
Any Nudity? Ya.
Bruce Almighty:
This movie is funny. But the whole 'there is a God' thing kinda got to
me. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? No.
Finding Nemo:
Another year, another Pixar movie. A lot of the Pixar movies I've just never
gotten into, but this one is fairly funny. Plus the underwater animations
are pretty cool looking. I give this four stars.
Any Nudity? Lotta naked animals.
28 Days Later:
This movie is a bit overrated. While I liked the premise, I didn't like that
there wasn't enough of enjoying being the only people left on the earth, instead
there was this constant fear that someone would kill them at any second, to the
point they had to live like bums, rather than enjoying the fact you could
steal anything you wanted. I guess the point is this is supposed to be a horror
movie, but it ended up feeling like the standard postapocalyptic world movies
always present us. It still has it's moments though. I give this 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes.
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines:
Arnold is back. And despite being an inferior robot, he can still kick a lot
of ass, even against a chick robot. This movie has a LOT of action sequences, and
for the most part they are pretty cool. Though there is a lot of humour and poking
fun of the previous terminators. My main problem with this movie comes in
the fact Arnold is just way smarter than the chick robot. I guess this is so
John Conner(aka future king of the world) can stand a chance, but you'd think
by now the robots woulda come up with something less stupid, not to mention
less easy to kill. But whatever. I give this 3 and a half stars
½
Any Nudity? Yup.
The Hulk:
Hulk Smash! Though one thing Hulk isn't going to smash is boxoffice records.
There is no Hulk for the first hour and a half of this film(at least that's what
it feels like) and while I didn't mind that for the first long while eventually
I just got fed up, and bored. But then Hulk appears, and it is one awesome ride.
The Hulk is just cool as hell, he actually does look like a much larger version
of the actor playing him. When Hulk leaps around it's just too sweet, and watching
him unleash his own brand of invincible hell is awesome. But the thing is, as
great as he is to watch, he's just not on screen for enough of a time. And once
he does appear he ends up going back to regular ol' boring human form a few more
times. Also the end, the little 'boss fight' was just horrible. This film
doesn't end with a bang, instead it ends with some sappy father son death hug, which
doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense. I give this movie 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
The Italian Job:
I went in not expecting to like this movie that much. This type of movie interests
me, but usually never blows me away. This movie is actually pretty entertaining,
it has smart twists along the way, that break some of the predictability of heist
movies. The ending kinda blew though, I didn't really get why the lead characters
weren't killed by the foreign guys... or why they would be working together in the
first place, since the foreign guys questioned their friend with an axe in hand...
ok, maybe I'm giving too much away, but the ending just irked me, they could've
done it better. I give this 3 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? No.
The Matrix: Reloaded:
First off I wasn't a huge fan of the first Matrix. I thought the Special Effects
were good, but the story was crap. This sequel, fortunately, makes the plot better
and the action sequences are simply off the hook. Neo vs. a million Agent Smiths
is deffinately the highlight of this movie. I enjoyed this movie much more
than the first one BUT there's no actual real ending of any kind. It simply
just ends in the middle of a scene. And that blows. I give this four stars,
Any Nudity? Yes.
X2: X-Men United:
This movie is Very cool up until the very end. The action scenes are incredible
and I think this out does the first X-Men movie. Seeing Wolverine actually
KILL people left and right was a surprise, since this is a PG movie. Seeing
Colossus was just too cool. I coulda used a better conclusion though, like why
not show one of the first sentinels being built or something, instead it ended
in a manner that was pretty anti-climactic. Nightcrawler really steals the show
in this one, great special effects for his teleporting. I give this 4 stars!
Any Nudity? Uh, I think wolverine was nude at one point.
A Mighty Wind:
I think this movie isn't quite sure what it wants to be. It both is trying
to be funny and trying to spoof the folk music genre, but at the same time it's taking the
music a bit too seriously. Whereas in a film like Spinal Tap it's back to back
jokes, in this movie there are MANY parts that are too serious. I guess what
made Spinal Tap work is that the band members were always cracking jokes, unlike
the folk singers in this movie, which are about as dull and not quick witted as
you might expect. But certain parts are really hilarious, so I'm not sure
how exactly to rate this one. Tap, Guffman, and Best in Show are all better than
this movie. I give it 2 and a half stars.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Anger Management:
This movie is pretty funny, though I could see the ending coming a mile away.
And I wonder why the Adam Sandler character couldn't figure it out.
But anyways, what matters is, I laughed a lot. The cameos also were great. I
wasn't expecting to like this thing, but I did goddammit. 3 and a half stars!
½
Any Nudity? No.
Phone Booth:
This movie is Really flawed. The lead character is supposed to be this smart
wheeler and dealer, yet makes the most retarded decisions throughout the movie.
It doesn't make sufficient sense why he would stay on the line, and it makes even
less sense when he does everything the sniper wants him to do. The writing just
stinks. Also the conclusion of the film is just done really badly.
1 and a half stars for this!
½
Any Nudity? It needed it, but no.
Deuces Wild:
I have this problem, it's that I seem to like movies that every critic hates. Because
not 1 review so far has been positive for this movie, and guess what, I thought this
movie was pretty fun to watch. I liked the fact I could recognize almost every
actor in this movie, I liked the excessive violence, and I even liked the storyline.
This story is about revenge, gang politics, love, and insane mothers, and of course, gang
fights that don't involve guns... for some reason. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Nah
Cradle 2 the Grave:
This movie just isn't that good. Most of it is standard repeated action cliches
and anything not cliched just didn't quite work. The movie has funny parts
though, and the whole scene with Jet Li vs Tito Ortiz of UFC fame and Gabrielle
Union stripping was pretty damned cool, but the rest was junk. 2 stars mainly
because this movie has 2 in the title, god, what a lame title.
Any Nudity? No
Friday After Next:
First off, I really liked the first two Fridays, a lot of people hated the second
film, but I thought it was funny as shit. This newest film is deffinately the worst
though. A lot of the things setup early on in the film don't have any real payoff, plus
this film is only 1 hour and 15 minutes! They could've easily made this film
much better with an extra 30 minutes, but for some reason they chose to make a short ass
film. And another thing that sucked is that they had a mess of fine ass women in
this movie and none of them get naked! Though one saving grace of this movie, or should I say the DVD, is that the
extras are great. I give the movie itself just 2 stars though.
Any Nudity? No :(
Tears of the Sun:
This is a pretty decent war movie. Basically the movie centers around a group
of Special Ops who specialize in moving in undetected, and moving out undetected.
It is Very cool seeing how the team works together, and stealthy. Basically the team sets
out to rescue four americans from africa, but end up having the shit hitting the fan because
of bad decisions. My main problems with the film come from a couple slow parts
and that sometimes you really just want to drop kick the Bruce Willis character
for being so stupid. Otherwise it's a good film, 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yes, there is.
Gangs of New York:
This movie is alright. It'll make you learn a couple things I guess, but the
character development is pitiful. I really ended up not giving a crap about any
of the characters. 3 stars.
Any Nudity? Yep.
Daredevil:
This is a pretty good superhero movie. It reminds me a lot of the Punisher
comic book. Daredevil basically spends the entire movie killing bad guys
left and right. The only part I really hated was the end. It felt really rushed,
but I won't get into it, so as not to spoil the entire flick. I give this
baby 3 and a half stars. And oh yeah, Jennifer Garner is hot as hell in this
film.
½
Any Nudity? Nope.
Battle Royale:
You probably have never heard of this film. This is a Japanese film
that is both one of the weirdest films I've seen in a long time and the coolest
films I've seen in a long time. The premise centers around a world near into
the future where kids everywhere start turning on the adults, and treating the
world like they own it. Kids everywhere have no respect for the rules, stab adults,
and generally run amock. The adults however have a plan, and the plan is this,
send random groups of classmates on a forced field trip, little do the kids realize
that they are really being sent to a deserted island where they HAVE to kill
each other till only one student is left standing! I know, the premise is pretty
ridiculous, but it's that ridiculously that makes this film a blast to watch.
The kids are given random weapons and are put in dog collars, and they have
three days to kill each other or else they ALL die. Basically varying events
and deaths occurs, that I won't get into, but I highly recommend this film.
4 stars!
Any Nudity? No.
Shanghai Knights:
The first part of this movie is AWEFUL. Makes you want to stick needles in
your brain it's so bad. But once Chan and Owens reach Britain this movie gets
drastically funnier, and better. To the point where I'm actually recommending
this film. I give this 2 and a half stars!
½
Any Nudity? Nuh-uh.
Powerpuff Girls: The Movie:
Yeah that's right, I saw this movie, got a problem with that? And guess what,
I loved the excessive violence. I give this 3 stars and let me get into a little
rant about kids. People claim kids shows shouldn't be violent, to that I say
eff you. When I was a kid my favorite cartoons were GiJoe and Transformers, and
those cartoons made me into the fine upstanding purveyor of porn I am today. (...well at least I ain't killing anyone!)
Anyways, if anything violent cartoons show kids that the world ISN'T cute and cuddly
and adequetly prepares them for the REAL world. or something like that. Well
I'm done.
Any Nudity? Tons! (Naked Monkeys, yee-ha)
Showtime:
Piece of crap! Good God, Eddie Murphy needs a lesson in quality control. This
movie doesn't even deserve the attention I'm giving it via this review, so no
more review for you, mr. crap movie. half a star!
½
Any Nudity? I forget! I don't think so.
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